I remember my first time…

by 6 years ago  •  9 Comments

Gotta love these discussions…

“Who was your first kiss?”

“It was when I was 13, at summer camp, it was really awkward….”

“I was 12, it was at some school dance”

“Oh well, because I guess I’m not as handsome as you two, it was during welcome week of college. I was wasted as fuck and I’m pretty sure I could’ve fucked that girl if I actually knew how to escalate things”

Brings us to my experience…

 I’m a freshman, on a typical thirsty Thursday night out at the on-campus nightclub/bar with a shy buddy of mine…Keep in mind, brothers, I was a full virgin before this, never made it past 2nd base if you will…

It started in my dorm room. I pounded around a mickey of captain morgan, and send a couple shots to my friend. Eventually we make our way to the toga-themed event…

The moment I get onto the dancefloor I part ways with my friend- who happens to be really shy and in need of some pick-me-up. I ran into friends from home that lived in another dorm…we start hitting it off. Afterwards I made a couple approaches- one direct that was intercepted with an overly obnoxious fatty (THOSE DAMN FATTIES!)…another approach got a girl grinding on me for a good ten minutes before she was pulled away by another fatty…regardless, I was vibing better than I had in a long time, which probably contributed to my success; perhaps I wasn’t expecting to get any “action” at an all-ages event…man…those damn fatties. Especially at all ages events, they will do ANYTHING in their power to ruin your night. I would’ve had my first f-close the FIRST MONTH of school if it weren’t for a fatty intercepting me and a 20 year old hottie as we exited an event…

This tall, athletic looking guy approaches me, I talk a little bullshit to hook him and we high five. We approach two blondes dressed in toga dancing together. I went direct on the shorter one, who responded well. Both of us guys start dancing with these girls…we turned these girls seperate directions. I threw a couple more choice words to my new target, and immediately we begin to make out. But unlike the idiots that just makeout on the dancefloor to show the world that an chick`s trying to make him cream his pants, and then the girl decides she’s had enough…immediately I suggested…

“let’s grab a seat”

HB: “where? I don’t know”

“follow me”

So we took a seat. She sat down beside me (not what I expected considering she’d already been raping my face). We make out a bit more when she suddenly looks me deep in the eye “wanna get outta here?” I oblige. I’m a little nervous at this point…cuz keep in mind…this is my first take home…I didn’t even have my first kiss until welcome week….regardless, this girl doesn’t even allow me to get my jacket! 

We walked past 5-6 friends of mine, and they’re all looking at me rapt. This got me a little less nervous and I started feeling like a boss. The whole walk back to my dorm room consisted of her saying…

“You’re not gonna hurt me right? You’re not gonna think I’m a slut right? You’re not gonna think I’m stupid because I’m in media studies…? You’re the first Asian guy I’m hooking up with (I took that as a compliment, guess I’m different?)….” All I had to do was say things like “don’t worry, you’re my special little girl…I luv you!”/make her feel special/wanted and would make out with her every 20 or so yards that we walked.

We finally get back to my place. My roommate has a couple friends over and they’re drinking in the living room. I whisked the HB into my bedroom. She insists that I took her number down before we did anything. This is the worst part: it’s a double room, and I’m on the top bunk…the blankets are a total mess…thank god i have the “it’s a double room and my roommate’s a fucking slob” excuse..regardless, she jumps onto my bunk and…

I join her in bed. We kissed passionately for a few minutes before I get down to business like a pro! I started to undo her bra and play with her tits a little. Then I work my hands on her thighs before pulling her panties halfway down. With a little learned technique from past experiences, I found the hole and started to finger her g-spot. Minutes later she’s dripping like Niagara Falls…this was just like the pornos! She starts breathing really heavily “please…please…please…”

This is when I realized I’m not hard at all. Despite all this hot, heavy action. I don’t know if it was because I jerked off earlier that day, the nervousness of my first time in bed with a girl, the 12 or so shots of Captain Morgan, or because of the little connection between us… (the only thing I knew about this girl was her dorm ‘cuz apparently her roommate was too drunk for us to go there)…

Keep in mind that I was the kid in high school that would pop a boner everytime the HB in front of me (ones that I’d develop a one-itis for) stood up or talked to me…I was literally the kid that everyone was like “you should go after a fatty. and you’ll finish in 5 seconds.” Weird. 

Regardless, I told her “i have whiskey dick!” I had told her that I’m a v-card because apparently girls love hearing that…i unbuttoned my pants and as a last-ditch effort, started wacking off to try to get a little stone. This is when I started getting a blowjob…with all my peers taunting and hyping me about their first experiences, it wasn’t fun. My balls were licked, and it was painful…I just couldn’t get all the way up. The moment she stopped, I went soft again. 

At this time, turns out my roommate and friends was banging on the wall and laughing, not to mention making audio recordings! (Jealous, boys?) The girl started sketching out “walk me back to my dorm and we’ll bang some other time!” I didn’t buy a second of it…as Buyer’s remorse so blatantly teaches us (I also found her number to be a flake later on…oh well). Eventually this hookup became objection handling so I just got too tired, and told her to call the night-patrol walking service. “girl, what was your name again?”

(Keep in mind, I feel horrible about doing that, but I guess that years of being humiliated, taunted and deprived of age-appropriate experience, I had to take it out on someone…)

She eventually leaves. I can barely find my glasses, I have a huge hickey, and have to put on a new pair of jeans without my underwear, don’t know where it went. My hair’s a mess. My roommate and his friends storm my bedroom and start laughing uncontrollably; out of excitement AND frustration I took my roommates shelf and flung it to the ground….before he could retaliate I went back to the nightclub to retrieve my jacket.

Imagine a 2am walk of shame…it was fucking awful to walk through the door, grab a couple condoms from the booth…everyone’s staring at me “wtf happened to this guy?” Also I realized my coat check ticket was gone in the passion earlier…so I had to wait till 3am to get my jacket back. A couple jock friends were there, dancing around but I could tell they weren’t getting lucky tonight. I told a few of them what happened and they all surrounded me like I was their new king..I danced with a few girls that I knew but not seriously, let them know what was good…LOL…I went to the washroom, and started washign my fingers to get rid of the…odour…when I ran into a guy that had fucked the same girl months ago! We shook on it “sloppy seconds FTB” and agreed to have a couple drinks/wingman each other in the near future…(ironically, somebody made an anonymous post on the school’s flirtation site talking about how great I am at winging…lol)

Anyways, I grabbed my jacket, went home…My floormates next door offered to make me a “celebratory dinner” if I puked in their toilet…I couldn’t puke, so I went to McDonald’s at 4am. As I’m picking up my fries, I dropped them instantly due to the lingering odours on my fingers (!). Anyways, I passed out on my couch when I got home, woke up, washed my sheets and my dirty dishes, and went to class with my shirt buttoned all the way up to conceal that damned love bite. Also got myself tested…just in case…

Although I couldn’t have the whole experience, I feel zero desperation now. I’ve gotten my weenie wet. It was the second vagina I touched, it’s not as big of a deal as I was raised to believe. Who gives a fuck? I don’t need what you got.