Let’s face it, most relationships fail. Sure, you might believe that your current significant other is “the one” but deep in your heart you know that’s probably not the case. And that’s because relationships fail for all sorts of reasons – it’s not the right time, money gets in the way, the heart wanders, the penis wanders, etc. – but some relationships are doomed to fail right from the beginning. If you find yourself in one of these seven types of relationships doomed to failure, go ahead and think you can beat the odds. After all, everyone loves a romantic, but in the end, you’re probably going to be nursing a beer with your friends asking where it all went wrong. Or you could just read this and find out for yourself. It’s your choice.
Photo credit: diametrik, Flickr
7 One of You is the Boss
You see this all the time, in both men and women. One person in the relationship makes all the decisions and just expects the other to go along with them. Sometimes this works for a while, especially because dominant personalities and docile types are often drawn to one another. They seem to fit well, one leads and one follows, and everyone is happy. But not really. Eventually, even the most laid-back person will get sick and tired of having their needs and desires ignored in favor of their partner’s. These are the relationships that seem to end out of nowhere. There are no explosive fights, no complaining, just one quick, shocking severing. The dominant personality thinks everything is fine while the more submissive partner stuffs everything inside and rationalizes every screwed up thing that happens until one day, they find that there’s nowhere left to stuff anything.
Photo credit: Miss Molly G. Willikers, Flickr
6 The Unbalanced Relationship
In this relationship, one person is more attached, either emotionally or physically. The other person is content in the relationship but just doesn’t feel quite the same way as their partner. It can be subtle, but if it’s there, it’s a problem, and one that you can’t really do anything about. Eventually, the less-attached partner will feel smothered while the more-attached one will feel unloved or unwanted. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just the way it is. As a wise man, possibly Jesus, once said, you can’t fake the funk.
Photo credit: Peat Bakke, Flickr
5 Too Many Secrets
In order to make a relationship truly work, both partners must be willing to let the other one in. It’s not just about keeping things from one another but about allowing the other to see your true self. You have to be able to be vulnerable, both emotionally and physically, or else your partner will constantly hit a wall, and while they may be willing to wait it out and see if that wall eventually falls on its own, eventually they will get tired of waiting and will either give up on the idea that it will ever fall and leave, or they’ll attack it on their own, hoping that they can tear it down, in which case the one putting up the wall will feel threatened and attacked and will just build the wall even higher. Either way, the relationship is doomed.
Photo credit: Dita Actor, Flickr
4 Not Enough Secrets
You have to be willing to be vulnerable, but there still needs to be something there for the other person to find in the relationship. Once you know too much about the other, once everything is completely on the table, the thrill is pretty much gone. It can be little things, little nuggets that you hold onto for yourself, that you eventually reveal over time and then replace with other little nuggets, but you have to have something, anything really, to keep the person interested, to keep them wanting to know more about you. You have to find a way to keep giving yourself to your partner, because once there’s nothing left to give, the relationship becomes stagnant and then it becomes a battle to stay interested and once that battle is joined, it’s only a matter of time until you’re having the “It’s not you, it’s me” talk.
Photo credit: Grégoire Lannoy, Flickr
3 Purely Physical
Yeah, yeah, we all love sex but eventually passion always fades. People get bored with one another’s bodies. It happens. But if you can build and sustain an emotional connection, you will always have something to hang onto, something to be attracted to even on those days when the physical attraction just isn’t quite what it used to be. And when you can blend the physical with the emotional, after a while the two sustain one another and pretty soon you can’t quite tell the difference between the two. But without the emotion, you’re pretty much just engaging in mutual masturbation and as well all know, eventually that just leads to boredom. Oh, and chafing.
Photo credit: Dominic’s pics, Flickr
2 Purely Emotional
You know what they call a relationship without physical attraction? Friendship. You can love everything about someone but if the thought of boning them gets you going about as much as the thought of doing light clerical work, then guess what? It’s not gonna work out. Sure, you have a great time together and you get along better than you’ve ever gotten along with anyone, and your parents and all your friends love her (or him) but at the end of the night you need to be able to fulfill your physical needs or else eventually your eye will start to wander and you will start to think “What if?” And when that happens, the only fair thing to do, for both of you, is to admit that what you have is a great friendship – and nothing more.
Photo credit: sunshinecity, Flickr
1 Nothing in Common
You can have both a perfect physical connection and be completely in love with each other, and you can completely respect the needs and wishes of one another, but if you don’t have at least something in common, eventually you will just get on each other’s nerves. It doesn’t have to be everything – there is nothing more nauseating than the couple who has to do literally everything together – but you should be able to find at least a couple of common interests. Sure, you can compromise for a while and take turns doing what the other enjoys but if you can’t enjoy them together, then what’s the point? That’s the whole joy of a relationship right there (well, aside from the regular sex) – enjoying your life with somebody that you love. Having to compromise that in favor of “making it work” is senseless and asinine and will always – always – lead to a failed relationship.
Photo credit: TheBusyBrain, Flickr
(Previously published December 5, 2012.)