How Many Puns About Video Of Adult Store Employees Beating Off Armed Robber With A Tornado Of Dildos Can Be Made?

This is a late, great entry for Video of the Year. It has everything you’d want in a Video of the Year: hereos, good defeating evil, and dildos.

On Wednesday, an armed robber attempted to rob Lotions & Lace, an adult store in San Bernardino, California. However, the sex shop employees aren’t about to just hand over all the hard-earned money peddling butt plugs, edible lubricant, and anal speculums. The two female purveyors of sex toys used what was available to them to fend off the burglar – rubber dicks.

Let’s see how many puns we can make about this phallic attack.

• What a dickhead.
• This definitely violates the penal code.
• Instead of dil-do, this fuckface should have dil-don’t.
• This is the one time you want your friend to be a cockblock.
• Don’t rob sex shops, this dude found out the hard way.
• You could say this man got shafted.
• Squeeze a silicone dick and not a trigger.
• Physicians claim that the criminal is now cockeyed.
• This criminal will probably welcome having the judge throw the book at him.
• Weapons of mass seduction.
• EAT A DICK! No literally, eat a dick.
• That’s one way to beat off a robber.
• Will the employees be charged with sexual assault?
• These employees aren’t dicking around – or maybe they are
• What a dick move.
• Guns don’t kill people. People with giant rubber dicks kill people.
• Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law and smashed with rubber dongs.
• Don’t bring a gun to a dildo fight.
• Turns out these ladies are just really big fans of Harambe and had their dicks out.
• This robber could have learned a lot from the movie Bruno.

[protected-iframe id=”623ab41edb23af881f7b3b54f3fa5c44-97886205-93291949″ info=”//giphy.com/embed/xaZtOqYPq6sz6″ width=”480″ height=”360″ frameborder=”0″]

via GIPHY

[ABC7]