The Amount Of Time The Average American Spends Dickin’ Around At Work Is Comical

Americans Hate Way Coworkers Talk Study


Most of us have become masters of the CTRL + SHIFT + TAB commands, seamlessly transitioning between Reddit tabs and Excel spreadsheets so as not to get busted by Lumbergh. Sometimes I sit on the toilet until my legs fall asleep, 87 weeks deep in an Instagram model’s photos, while day turns to night. It turns out I’m far from the only one.

A bombshell new study reveals that Americans dicking around at work costs an aggregate of $15 billion every week in lost productivity.

According to the staffing firm OfficeTeam, the average office employee is spending about five hours a week on his or her cellphone on things that have absolutely nothing to do with the job–ie answering personal emails, online shopping, swiping on the shitter, and watching porn under one’s desk.

The study found males (32 percent) more commonly check their non-work e-mail, while females (33 percent) more commonly check social media networks, New York Post reports. And while your company thinks it’s being clever by blocking those essential sites like BroBible and PornHub, they are actually just inviting their employees to access these sites on their mobile devices.

“More than half of the professionals — 58 percent — often use their personal devices at work to visit pages that are banned by their company, a 36 percent jump from the 2012 survey,” according to the study.

Daryl Pigat, a division director for OfficeTeam, suggested that companies implement regulations on when employees can use their cell phones.

YA. That’ll go over well.


[h/t New York Post]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.