Carl Jr.’s May Have Just Created The Most American Cheeseburger Of All Time
All Beef Patty? CHECK (Well, maybe. I have no idea what kind of beef quality CJ’s adheres to.)
Potato Chips? CHECK
Hot Dogs? CHECK
American Cheese? CHECK MOTHERFUCKER
Put those all together and you get the tastebud shitshow pictured above. That shitshow is called “The Most American Thickburger” (terrible name) Carl Jr.’s has grand designs to release it for public consumption on May 20th.
Is Carl Jr.’s the first fast-food or burger company to make a HotBurger (or HamDog)? I have no idea, but they are the most recent and really all that matters, isn’t it?
According to Eater:
The Most American Thickburger will be one of the priciest items on the menu. Brad Haley, a marketing officer for Carl’s Jr.’s parent company CKE Restaurants, notes: that is for good reason. “It’s like two sandwiches in one — and your side.” Not to mention the 1,063 calorie sandwich covers half of the recommended daily total.
Dietitian Hope Warshaw tells USA Today, “Steer clear unless you’re nutrition goal is to get your total fat and saturated fat grams and daily sodium count in one dose.” It’s probably best to skip that side of pepperoni cheese fries, too.
Obviously a burger born from all things American is going to be terrible for you, Hope. We’re the fattest country in the fucking world, of course our new signature burger is going to single-handedly take a few lives. Quite honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way. And yes, we’ll be having pepperoni cheese fries with it. What are we communists?