Charlotte Man Stands Ass Naked In House In Plain View Of Neighbors Because America Allows Him To

If it’s illegal to walk around your own house naked, I deserve the death penalty. Because if I’m wearing clothes in my place, you’re catching me on a weird day. Parents probably came over for dinner or something.

If I were this dude and the neighborhood was all butthurt about me trying to get a few rays of Vitamin D on my D, I’d ask them to chip in on my mortgage. Until then, I’ll get ass-naked and do cartwheels on my front lawn in a Scream mask singing the latest Taylor Swift song. Why? Because this is fucking America, Land of the Freeball.

Hey guess what, Cheryl? I don’t like when your shitbag son leaves his toys all over the neighborhood and cries when he gets tagged out in manhunt, but do you hear me snitching to the Charlotte Police? No. Because I have a warrant out for my arrest and that would not be in my best interest.

Plus, laws are hard. Right, Terry?

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Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.