These Bros Did More Drugs Than That Donkey From ‘Bachelor Party’ And Somehow Lived To Tell About It

Brain On Drugs

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I’ve done a lot of crazy things in my life—yes, kids, that includes experimenting with some recreational activities—but I’ve never been so messed up that I woke up the next morning lucky as hell to be alive.

While drugs aren’t really my cup of tea, other dudes have been known to go absolutely crazy when there’s something to be smoked, snorted or injected—and much like the premise of the new film Urge about the ultimate drug trip, their stories are absolutely insane to hear.

That is, if you believe the way they tell them to the internet. Let’s get to those stories—and always remember, bros, drugs are bad.

That One Guy Who Went To A Donald Trump Speech While Tripping Acid

It was a stupid idea to begin with honestly. First my friends wanted to go to the Trump rally just for fun even when they don’t support his ideas. Then in the car on the way there one of my friends tells me he just got a hold of some acid and that it would be hilarious to be tripping at a Donald Trump speech, just to say we did it n that it’ll be funny story to look back on. So we all just say fuck it and drop 2 hits each. Bad idea. We walk into the place and just know that something is very wrong. The tension in the air was flowing through our bodies, everyone looked angry about something. 10 minutes pass and we all realize we must escape from this hell on earth before we lose every ounce of sanity we have left. We head for the exits, it’s packed with people and security. WE WONT MAKE IT! We all agree and head back to our seats. (We could’ve made it we were just tripping too hard to be rational) Trump comes out and the whole building starts shaking with chants of USA! USA! USA! It was proud patriotism with an undertone of depraved violence, you could feel it. We all look at each other with the most dreadful look in our eyes knowing we just fucked ourselves into oblivion.

Dude Dropped 600 Seeds Of Deliriants, Had A Three-Day Long Trip That Left Him Covered In Poop And In A Different State

We ingested 600 seeds each as quickly as possible and washed them down with a glass of milk. We then locked all the doors and windows to my house as to prevent any drug-induced rampages, police run-ins, or worse. Chris and I plopped down in front of my new big-screen, and began watching a movie. About an hour into it, I started to feel the effects. The dry mouth came on, as in other trip reports. I had no idea it would be this strong. My legs felt like rubber and my body was completely out of whack. I looked over to Chris to tell him it was kicking in and I found even this simple task disorienting. He confirmed the same experience thus far. In what was the stupidest move of the century, Jenn decided she was bored and that she would take 150 seeds. Now, she’s had her experiences with drugs before, but she was our sitter.

This Guy, Who Should Absolutely Lay Off Drugs For Awhile

It’s a long story but basically we all snorted a silly amount of 25C, MXE and MDMA. My mate had a seizure and was banging his head against the wall (hence the blood). Eventually I managed to wrestle him down onto a sofa to stop him hurting himself and while that happened I went through this trip in my mind where he and I were fetuses. After opening my eyes I saw that we were coated in this kind of fleshy sack and when I broke free and fell on the floor it felt like I’d given birth to him and me.

I love drugs and chaos and I seem to push myself into the craziest scenarios and take more drugs to increase the chaos.

The Legend Of The Stuffed Banana

So we get to the carnival.

The definition of pure fear, already established well for me that night, was now truly revealed. Enormous inflated clowns. Cheap blinking yellow lights. Dozens of people meandering about, nothing to do but stare at the people coming in. Grating sounds from the rides that were bound to break apart at the slightest breeze. Dan told me I needed to relax, and instructed me to sit at a picnic table while he got us drinks. Sara was bitching to someone she went to school with about her ticket and she was crying hard. OK. I can sit still. I sit at the table watching people walk past me, some with cotton candy, some with giant cheap stuffed animals. I wish I had a stuffed animal, I thought to myself. And then I saw the little kid and the stuffed banana.

This kid, all of three years old, walked by holding up this great stuffed banana. He held it out to me, I swear he did. Assuming he heard my wish for a stuffed animal, I took it. He began to scream LOUDLY. I panicked. What follows panick when tripping is natural. I ran away. With the fucking stuffed banana.

And the LSD, how she loves to fuck with me. Coming and going, ebbing and flowing, just when I think I got it all under control another tidal wave crashes into my soul. That wave decided to crash right as I was sprinting with the banana, no clue where Dan was or Sara for that matter. I just ran. People staring, voices yelling behind me, I just ran. And this banana, it had a face on it. And this nose, like a little button sticking out of the face. It didn’t look like it wanted the button sticking out like that, and before I knew it, Dan and Sara were rushing me into the car after finding me sitting on the sidewalk, chewing the nose off of this stolen stuffed banana.

Swimming While Tripping Balls On LSD Can’t Be A Good Idea

I was under water and got such a sense of euphoria, and so lost in the trip, that I forgot I was under water and that I wasn’t supposed to breathe. One lungful of water later I realized I was fucked. My initial reaction, however, wasn’t panic. I actually accepted that I was probably too far gone to be worth fighting for. I had a vision that I was in a black sphere. The sphere began to rise up from around me and when it got to about knee height, I was able to see what was on the other side. In my mind I knew it was hell. I can’t explain how I knew this, but similar to being in a dream I just knew. All I saw was a barren desert. No dunes, no cacti, just sand. Endless sand. No semblance of life except my own. The most frightening part was the temperature. It wasn’t hot, or cold, but clammy, like a cold sweat. It was this sight that made me realize that fighting for life was better than accepting that fate. All this happened within a few seconds and I somehow managed to hoist myself out of the pool. I tried to cough up the water in my lungs and stomach and at first it wouldn’t come. This was my heaviest moment of panic and what made it worse was, as a result of the drugs, I couldn’t remember how to breathe. My thought process went “I just inhaled water, I need to breathe, but where to I breathe from?” In my mind I didn’t have a mouth or nose from which to breathe, so that initial confusion made me panic that much more. Eventually I heaved all the shit in my lungs out and wound up throwing up all the pizza I had consumed earlier that night.

Dude Took Ketamine And Felt Like He Was In A Parallel Universe 

I went into a K-hole once that lasted (in my mind) several years. I was in another dimension — it looked like somewhere in the Middle East — and trapped, unable to return home. I knew a bunch of people there who were also trapped. I had a whole history and relationships with these people. And the entire time I was there I was off my face on K.

Then, one day, I found a wormhole down one of the side streets, and jumped through it. It led me down a tunnel back to our own reality. I found myself floating above myself and had to shout “I AM A HUMAN BEING!” a few times to force myself back into my body and life.

According to everyone else, of course, I took the K and then stood in one place lifting my leg up and down for 15 minutes or so, but to me it was several years. I don’t know how much I took exactly; I just kept snorting away until nothing more would fit into my face. Clever times.

Uh, yeah, after hearing these scary stories about how dudes almost died while tripping balls, maybe we should just leave the crazy drugs for the movies.

See ‘Urge’ when it hits select theaters on June 3rd… or see it On Demand.