I suppose I should make some ‘man’s best friend’ not really being ‘man’s best friend’ when they shoot their owners, but fuck that. Dogs are awesome. Dogs are loving. Dogs are affectionate. Dogs are faithful. But dogs don’t know shit about guns.
If you’re gonna leave a gun around you have to treat your dog like you would a child and assume that if they can get to it your ass is gonna have a very bad day. And probably a series of them.
Gregory Dale Lanier was riding in his car with his dog not realizing that his .380 pistol was laying on the passenger-side floor loaded like a diarrhetic infant’s diaper. While riding with him, his dog kicked the pistol and it fired a round into Greg’s leg. Florida police ruled it an accident in what was, probably, an entirely too thorough investigation. But, it’s Florida so…yeah.
How the fuck can you take a bullet from your own shotgun? You can when a dog jumps onto the damn thing. A 19 year old hunter got his leg shot in his own boat when a hunting dog leapt into it, probably to excitedly lick his face and sniff his crotch. This happened in Minnesota though so dude probably still went hunting before going to the hospital.
Imagine if the devil appeared to you and told you that in the near future you were gonna take it in the ass, but you could choose between a dick and a bullet? Assuming you were heterosexual for the purpose of this exercise, which would you choose? (Ask me on twitter @mightyspan and I’ll tell you. The answer may surprise you, but the explanation definitely will.)
A Utah hunter was given no such opportunity. He was duck hunting with a friend when he set his gun down across the sides of the boat to go collect some decoys. The dog hopped up on the gun and somehow managed to disengage the safety before giving his owner the most shameful hunting story of his life.
If you’re gonna get shot by your dog with your own weapon, you should at least be doing something badass. Removing snow chains from your truck’s tires works. Good thing for Richard Fipps that it does because he caught a little bit of hot, metal shame in his arm after his dog stepped on his loaded shotgun.
Of all dogs you’d think would absolutely, positively NOT shoot their owners it’d be police dogs. The K-9’s that are trained by police are probably some of the smartest dogs on the planet. And even they can break your ass off by mistake.
The K-9 was charged with finding the gun used by a suspect. The dog found it in a mound of snow. Ordinarily, the dog is supposed to just lay next to the location. Instead, this dog, apparently working for extra Scooby Snacks, dug into the snow pile and grabbed the gun, shooting its human partner.
King George is a 150 lb. Great Dane. And after a dark day in 2007 he is also an attempted murderer after shooting his owner in the back. See, the dog accidentally knocked his owner’s .22 off a table and it went off after hitting the ground. The bullet hit the owner in the back, sending him to critical care. The fiancee is quoted as saying, ‘I knew he was smart, but I didn’t know he was that smart. He was always protective. I didn’t think he would be like that.’
(I’m thinking that if the owner of the dog came out of this he should seriously rethink marrying that chick.)
This story is of a hunting Frenchman so I’m pretty sure you and me both thought this story would mean him being shot in the back, running from a fight. Not so, however. Rene was hunting deer with his young, inexperienced basset hound when the dog affectionately jumped at him, triggering the gun in Rene’s arms. The bullet tore his hand up so bad it had to be amputated. Rene still wants to hunt though, and to keep training that goofy dog as well. And there you have the first story of a real man in France since Napoleon.