Canadian Girl Who Nearly Set Herself On Fire Is Proof ‘Drinking And Fireworks’ Should Be Left To Us Americans

Today I learned that in Canada the last Monday before March 25th is a federal public holiday named ‘Victoria Day’, where Canadians celebrate the birthday of Queen Victoria (the former Queen of Great Britain 1819 – 1901). I take exception with this holiday, but I’ll get to why in a little bit. I learned about ‘Victoria Day’ after watching the video above, where a girl nearly set herself on fire with a jacked up bottle rocket. She just became a poster child for why fireworks and alcohol do not mix well….in Cafirewnada.

Now, why do I take exception to that ridiculous holiday? Because worldwide we Americans have a reputation for endless vacation time and billions of frivolous holidays. I’ve had this conversation many, many times over the years either with friends who are foreign or when traveling:

Me: What holiday is this?
Person: It’s the day in history when something so insignificant happened nobody has a clue why we’re celebrating but the weather’s getting nice so we look for any and every reason not to work.
Me: That’s cool, I guess.
Person: You Americans have hundreds of these holidays, you know what I’m talking about!
Me: Nah, bruh. We don’t have government mandated vacation like you lazy asses, nor do we take every day off possible to celebrate nothing.
Person: You’ve just confirmed the stereotype that every American is a polite and hard-working member of society. I wish I had more American friends. You guys really are the greatest country and people the world has ever known.
Me: Duh.

Totally a conversation I’ve had many times over. I just hate the assumption that we Americans have ridiculous holidays like Canada’s ‘Victoria Day’. Also, the drinking and fireworks should be left to we ‘Muricans. We drink better than you. We spend more on fireworks than you. We are more well equipped as human beings to get hammered and blow stuff up. Just take a break, Canada.

Maybe if you want to take a trip down south this 4th of July we’ll teach you how to drink, and how to shoot fireworks, and then if you’re really lucky we’ll teach you how to do both at the same time. I’m not making any promises though.