I paid $13 for a Miller Lite at Governor’s Ball this weekend. A part of me was absolutely enraged at being swindled out of my hard earned (or maybe just earned) money, but a bigger part of me just wanted to get hammered. So I tucked my dick between my legs, put on a plastic smile, and handed over my credit card (now maxed out). I had a small urge to reach for the samurai sword in my waistband and serve the vendor some sweet justice, but like, death row is a decently large price to pay for an overpriced Miller.
But for a 30-year-old man in West Midnapore district of West Bengal, India named Buddheswar Pal, the egregious price of a vendor’s pumpkins sent him into a fit of rage so strong, so all-encompassing, he decapitated the vendor and ran off with his head, according to the Daily Mail. GULP.
The market, packed with shoppers, then witnessed Pal run off with the vendors head and into the nearby woods.
One petrified onlooker told the Gulf News,
“It was a normal argument between a buyer and seller over prices of vegetables. But none could imagine that someone could behead another over such trivial issue.”
Police squads are now hunting for Pal after they discovered the vendor’s torso behind his sales stand.
Jesus, dude. It’s a fucking pumpkin. And Halloween is like four months away. Chill on that sword until at least late September. I would have happily Venmo’d you some cash if it would have stopped you from chopping some dudes head off. Like there are 923,293 ways to approach expensive pumpkins and weaving through a crowded farmer’s market with someone’s detached melon does not make the list. Do less. Do significantly less.