We’ve had stories where scorned spouses throw their cheating partners birthday parties from hell, where wives chop of husband’s dicks TWICE and where bizarre four-ways involving the in-laws end in divorce, but we’ve yet to see one where the husband lights a house on fire.
See how I said “a house” and not “her house”? That’s because we don’t know whose house this is. It could just be the home of the world’s unluckiest family, or it could be the home of a cheating wife. We don’t and won’t know until the Arvada police release the name of the suspect they have in custody, but in the meantime here’s some background for those of you who like information and other important things:
A house in Arvada that exploded and caught fire early Tuesday morning was spray-painted with the words “My wife is a cheater,” and police say a man has been arrested in connection with the arson…
Neighbors say a family with three young children lives in the home.
“It’s a younger family,” Fred Holman said. “They’ve lived here about five years, maybe a little longer. They’re very nice people, very good neighbors. I would never think anything like this would happen.”
Nothing says “fuck my cheating wife” like lighting a random house on fire and spray painting “My wife is a cheater” on the outside! Aside from, y’know, literally anything else. Even a soggy napkin with the words “Kill yourself” slipped into her purse would be more of a diss.
— Phil Tenser (@pstenser) March 10, 2015
Do you think it’s safe to assume that a random scorned man with a cheating wife started the fire? Because that’s what I’m guessing. Really, what idiot sets his OWN house on fire while his kids are inside? Sure fuck your wife, but your kids didn’t do shit unless they were the ones who introduced your wife to her lover, in which case fuck yo children too. Unless I’m completely missing everything and this is one of those CSI: Over Exaggerated Bullshit episodes where they try to throw in a twist every 10 minutes to keep you guessing, which would mean that the husband DID set his own house on fire…but that’s still dumb. So let’s assume this was the work of an unstable man who just really needed a nice round of arson to make himself feel better.
For those of you who don’t give a shit about my musings and would prefer cold-hard facts, too fucking bad. You won’t have any until the Arvada police release the name of the suspect they have in custody later this afternoon:
HAPPENING NOW: Arson suspect in custody. Looking to release ID this afternoon. — Arvada Police (@ArvadaPolice) March 10, 2015