This Fight Between A Black Widow Spider And A Scorpion Is What Nightmares Are Made Of

Before we begin, let’s review the fighter profiles.

The Black Widow: Fiesty welterweight with a second-to-none motor. Drug and alcohol issues outside the ring were thought by many to derail his career, but after a quick stint in prison for soliciting hookers, he is hungrier than ever. Don’t sleep on this motherfucker because one bite may result in systemic effects (latrodectism) including severe muscle pain, abdominal cramps, hyperhidrosis, chlamydia, tachycardia, and muscle spasms. Basically, the black widow’s a fucking psychopath.

The Scorpion: A proven heavyweight contender who is trying to collect the pieces of his shattered reputation after several domestic abuse issues that he claims were “misunderstandings.” Thought by many to be “a lazy piece of shit,” the Scorpion is looking to prove to his fan that success can be attained by simply doing the bare minimum. But when you have venom that can kill or paralyze your opponent, you can get by with just coasting.

RING THAT GODDAMN BELL.

The Black Widow took the Floyd Mayweather approach: jab jab jab, but never really landing any devastating haymakers. The Scorpion played like the uninspired pice of shit he is, waiting for the black widow to fuck up and land a jab directly into its scissor hands. The widow seemed to want it more.

I gotta give my vote to the Black Widow, if not for the suplex that but Scorpion on his fucking back.

[h/t LADbible]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.