Fleshlight Has A New Product Any Gourd-Fucking Enthusiast Would Love


Everyone has been trolling social media this past month with pretend pumpkin products. And, like a delicious pumpkin pie, spiced with nutmeg and plopped with fresh whipped cream, we’ve been eating it all up.

There was the pumpkin Natty Light hullabaloo, followed by a pumpkin Four Loko joke.

And who can forget Durex’s supposed pumpkin-spiced condoms.

So forgive us, Fleshlight, for being a little skeptical of this, the Pumpkin-Spiced Fleshlight.

But, masses, forgive me, for wanting to believe.

To believe a brand would be so dedicated to the season, and our insatiable craving, to make a pumpkin we could stick our collective dicks in.

To feel the rigid, firm exterior of a pumpkin give in to a goopey tangle of string and seeds. It may not make for the best sex experience, but dammit, it’d be true. The stem would be fun to hold.

I think this is just a photoshop. Alas. For as kids, who didn’t think about face-fucking a jack-o-lantern?

Let he who is without gourd-fetish sin…