Girls Are Starting To Put GLITTER FRECKLES On Their Faces For #Fashion And I’m Starting To Question My Sexuality

Listen, I’m not here to tell women how to live their lives. As men, I’m sure we do a lot of shit that are unfathomable to the general female population–like invest insurmountable amounts of time, money and energy into the lives and performances of professional athletes we’ve never met in a sport we’ve probably never played competitively. SHUT UP, TINA IT’S FUN! I’M FOURTH IN MY FANTASY LEAGUE BUT MAKING A PUSH HOWS YOUR SICK GRANDMA BY THE WAY?

Both sexes have our little idiosyncrasies that the other will never truly understand, but this one, this one is unconscionable, gender aside. Like if aliens came down and they saw men watching football they’d be like “weird, but I get it,” but if they saw chicks smearing sparkles on their faces they’d be like “da fuck?”

But I guess that’s all the rage lately with our beautiful counter-sex. Glitter freckles. We should be supportive men and make an effort to understand it, just like we did when their eyebrows start growing elbows for some reason idk.



Here’s what could happen if we don’t try to talk some sense into them.
“Mom, dad. This is Tina. She’s going through some shit.”

Also this???

A photo posted by Claire Graves She/her/hers 16 (@emaciatedunicorn) on

BRO! Who’s FUCKING side are you on, Judas?

White party #nofilter #glitterfreckles

A photo posted by @stripedhyaena on

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.