One of my biggest fear as a grown man is to find out one of my idols is really a huge assclown. If news broke that Tom Brady collects Nazi memorabilia and enjoys The Big Bang Theory, I’d start to question every belief I maintain and whether the Earth is really round.
To a nine-year-old kid, finding out Santa–the dude whose made himself a household name by being jolly and well-mannered–is really a gigantic dickwad would be like finding out the mailman is really your father.
But that’s what happened to poor little Anthony Mayse.
Anthony, 9, went to his hometown mall in North Carolina to tell Santa he wanted an iPad Touch and a drone for Christmas (chill, bro), and upon hopping off Santa’s lap, Saint Dick whispered something that will likely haunt him for the rest of his days:
“Lay off the hamburgers and french fries.”
HEARTBREAKER: Anthony says Forest City Santa made him cry when he told him to "lay off the burgers & french fries." @WLOS_13 pic.twitter.com/U5ABOf3hSj
— John Le QC News (@AbsoluteLe) December 6, 2016
The boy’s mother, Ashley, was irate with Santa’s demeanor.
“This year we thought it’d be fun to take the carriage ride and let the kids ice skate and go see Santa. He acted like he didn’t want to be there to do the job. Very rude. I’ve never seen anything like it. What set me off is when he started crying.”
Anthony felt like a total piece of shit after, predictably.
“I went out and started crying, because I just felt so bad,” Anthony Mayse said. “When he got done, he said, ‘Lay off the hamburgers and french fries.’ And that really just disrespected me, and I felt awful.”
JOLLY OR RUDE?: family claims Forest City Santa drove boy to tears, saying "lay off the burgers." Hear from the 9 yr old 6pm @WLOS_13 pic.twitter.com/tybagLAmcU
— John Le QC News (@AbsoluteLe) December 6, 2016
Dick move. But, in Santa’s defense, he’s probably stressed considering he’s been away from his wife and kids to do this global, thankless gift-giving tour. And because he’s got a restraining order he can’t violate.
P.S. Yo Anthony, sometimes the best lessons are the hardest to hear. Elizabeth Runner told me I had a unibrow in 9th grade and I’ve been plucking that shit daily ever since. Hey Elizabeth, if you’re reading this, SIT ON A FUCKING CACTUS.
[h/t Crave Online]