There are three types of criminals:
- Criminals who steal from others for personal gain.
- Malicious criminals who want to inflict harm on others for personal satisfaction.
- Guys who jizz in orange juice.
The man pictured above is the jizzing type. The most confusing criminal of the three. A guy with no tangible payoff or motive for his crime other than the assumed knowledge that his victim unknowingly chugged his baby batter.
His name is Willis Gene Burdette and he is a 72-year-old man from New Jersey who was caught on CCTV sneaking into a woman’s house, beating off into her orange juice, shaking it back up, and putting it back in the fridge, according to Metro.
A Jackson Township, New Jersey detective said after the break-in, Willis ‘Removed a bottle of orange juice from the refrigerator and cum inside the bottle of orange juice.’
The indictment read:
[Willis] did knowingly mingle a biological substance and/or harmful substance, to wit: semen, with a drink, when he knew or had reason to believe that the drink may be ingested or used by another person.’
The 72-year-old was arrested and charged with burglary and contaminating a substance for human consumption.
This begs the question: how much money would I realistically have to pay you to take a swig? Everyone has their price. All things considered, it probably tastes better than drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth. Ew. I need a shower.
[h/t Metro]