Man Tries To Break Into Miranda Kerr’s Home, Security Guard Shoots Him, But Not Before Intruder Stabbed Him In The EYEBALL

You’d think being the security guard to Miranda Kerr would be a sweet gig. It probably pays pretty good, you could have much worse scenery, and who would want to hurt the angelic Miranda Kerr? Well, it turns out that being a security guard is one of the worst jobs ever.

This poor security guard was keeping the Kerr mansion safe and sound when a man attempted to break into the home. The invader jumped the fence and walked towards Kerr’s Malibu abode around mid-day on Friday. The guard busted out his gun and fired several shots at the home intruder who was on the property at the time. The maniac was unfazed and despite getting hit with bullets, he went all Luke Cage and still attacked the security guard.

“During the physical altercation, the intruder stabbed the armed security guard and the armed security guard shot the intruder,” a neighbor said.

The son of a bitch stabbed the guard right in the fucking eyeball! Who does that?

“The man, after he was shot, still held the knife and was going after the security man so my guy kicked the knife out of the perpetrator’s hands,” a neighbor said.

“When the deputies arrived at the residence they found an armed security guard was involved in a physical altercation with an intruder,” said Sergeant James Braden.

Neither Kerr or her five-year-old son were at her $12 million ranch-style home when the attack happened.

Both men were taken to the hospital and expected to survive from their injuries.

Eyeball must be in the discussion for “Top Body Parts That You Would Want To Get Stabbed In.” It very might be the #1 spot you don’t want to get impaled. Think about it, you would be watching the shape edge of the blade coming closer and closer to your cornea until it was lodged in your fucking retina. I honestly just squinted my eyes in horror. That may be one of the worst things I have ever imagined. I’d take a knife to my balls before my eyeball, but I think dick is still #1 in places I wouldn’t want to get skewered. What do you guys think?