North Korea Appears To Be Bullshitting About Its Nuclear Test
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Late last night, seismographs around North Korea detected a 5.1 magnitude earthquake, which was quickly determined to be man-made.
The assumption was immediately that North Korea tested a nuclear bomb.
The nation was quick to confirm the news, adding a big twist. It wasn’t just any old atom bomb, but the country’s first hydrogen bomb, a fusion warhead that is orders of magnitude stronger than anything in their arsenal.
An “H-bomb of justice,” they called it.
Well ho ho ho, who would believe that the blustery, bombastic regime could lie about something so important?
After analyzing data, experts believe that the communist regime’s claim is bunk. Ain’t no hydrogen bomb of a justice, but a regular old atom bomb of … less justice.
[There] were immediate questions about the claim. Nuclear experts noted that the yield appeared to be similar to North Korea’s three previous atomic tests, rather than the “enormous” yield that would be expected if it had been a thermonuclear explosion.
That’d be like me throwing you three tennis balls, then when I threw you a fourth tennis ball saying, no, that’s the planet Earth.
It’s probably not the planet Earth, and it’s probably not an H-bomb.
Jeffrey Lewis, a nuclear expert at the Middlebury Institute of International Studies at Monterey, Calif., said Wednesday’s explosion looked very similar to past tests and was not enormous, suggesting it was not a hydrogen bomb. South Korean lawmakers told local reporters that the explosion had a yield of about six kilotons — making it about the same size as North Korea’s 2013 atomic test.
It could, however, be an upgraded atomic bomb, something possibly more compact and deliverable than previous bombs.
With that in mind, international leaders around the world condemned the test, and the UN called an emergency meeting of the Security Council.
North Korea, meanwhile, had this to say.
“Nothing is more foolish than dropping a hunting gun before herds of ferocious wolves,” they announced in a press release.
What the hell does that even mean? I have more questions about that than about the bomb’s yield. Is North Korea the wolves? Or the gun? Or the hunter? I’m so confused.
[Via The Washington Post]