Whether it’s a avoiding going to the bathroom in public or praying that you don’t find a dead animal in your Subway sandwich, we are all just trying to get through life unscathed. Or at least I am doing that. Working on the Internet forces me to see everything — literally, everything — and the amount of emotional damage the overconsumption of weird news causes has to be irreversible. This year alone I’ve seen at least 40 dead or gross animals that people have found in their food. There is no coming back from that. In fact, I haven’t been able to eat canned tuna since this incident back in February. I am not okay. My brain is not okay. Never become a blogger. It will ruin you.
As I was saying… Try as we might, but we can’t go through life avoiding everything. Sometimes we get hit in the face with an unavoidable dirty bomb of grossness. Sometimes we open the door to our dorm room to see our roommate going to town on himself to obesity porn. Sometimes just seeing a story about a tainted can of tuna destroys tuna for us forever. Sometimes life is disgusting.
When Reddit asked it’s users what is the most disgusting thing that has ever happened to you? They answered. And thanks to them, I’ll be fasting for the rest of the day.
As a nurse I see many gross things. But what sticks worse in my mind is this one patient that was admitted during my shift. He looked pretty unkempt and dirty and probably homeless. Him being diabetic I had to assess his feet. I start pulling off his socks and a big cloud of dead skin flakes erupt like spores all around us. In my state of shock I unintentionally gasp. And i inhale a bunch of this dudes dirty dead skin flakes. I politely left the room and ran to wash out my mouth. When I think about it I can still taste them.
That’s nothing. Did you see all the dead skin flakes on Bernie Sanders shoulder during the Democratic Debate? Dude was decomposing right in front of our eyes.
My daughter grabbed poop out of her diaper and smeared it on my mouth.
This next one is similar, but way more detailed.
Hmmm…Fuck it. (Parents tell this to everyone) I was 2, my parents were in bed napping and I was awake with a full diaper. I was one of those kids that figured out how to get into anything. This was the middle of the afternoon and it was apparently very hot and humid that day. I was in my crib bouncing around (They could hear me, just didn’t want to get up) and after about 5 minutes, it went quiet. As it turns out, I figured out how to get my diaper off. Shit. Everywhere. In my mouth, up my nose, in my ears, all over my face and body. The walls, my crib, the dresser (Yes, I was flinging shit) and the ceiling from flailing my arms and hands trying to get it off. Well, at least they think that’s how it got up there.
My dad woke up and notified my mother that he could smell shit and maybe I needed to be changed. So my mother came upstairs, opened my door and there I am with shit all over me and my room, diaper on the floor across the room and me with a shit eating grin on my face (No pun intended).
Took my parents 3 paint jobs, 4 vomit sessions and 2 weeks to clean and get the smell out of the room.
I’m an artist, I think outside the box. Or I’m just full of shit.
The closer I get to the age where I should be having kids, the less I want to be having kids. I blame the Internet.
Having to search a body for ID and remove jewellery before it was taken to the morgue. He’d been bisected at about sternum level and his head squashed. His right leg was hanging off and when I turned the Torso over his intestines and stomach slid out, over my gloved hands and onto my forearms. When we rolled over what was left of his skull a chunk came off with a chunk of brain stuck to it. Smelled like engine oil and a meat freezer that’s been left off for a few hours.
I’d never eat again. Ever.
My 13 year old son ran into the bathroom while I was on the pot. He pulled his pants down and was going to fart on me. I swung at him to make him leave. My fist hit him in the ass and he proceeded to unload massive amounts of shit all over my arm and bare legs. I was so shocked and disgusted that I puked, in my own lap. He saw all of this and puked on me as well.
Perfect storm. Kind of like the ultimate, gun-to-your-head, dilemma scenario. If you have to shit and puke at the same time, and you can’t hold either in, which one do you aim towards the toilet bowl and which one gets fired all over the floor?
I have been showered in concentrated dental waste. When you go to the dentist, that bowl you spit in and the suction tube they clear your mouth with are part of a special piping system. Imagine pipes full of blood, spit, gum tissue, gingivitis, tooth plaque, rotting bits of god knows that that thing from your teeth was ect…. then imagine a dead end in that piping system full of that nasty goo where the already foul substance has been fermenting for years. I was working on the dental waste collection system at a dental school and was on a ladder in a very tight spot when a 4″ line dropped and I got a 30 second money shot right to the face. When it was soaked, completely covered from head to toe in blood, spit, mucus and anything else somebody could cough up or spit out.
Edit for some additional info. Yes, it got in my mouth and I was soaked from head too toe but I still had to get the job done by a certain time so I found some hand sanitizer and I gargled with it to rinse out my mouth , flushed out my eyes in the emergency eyewash, then I finished the job and went back to the shop to take a shower. I now work in waste-water collections. (I make sure that sewage makes it’s way from your house to the waste-water treatment plant.) Whenever people tell me how nasty my job is and ask how I do it, I just tell them that Iv’e tasted worse and that shit has nothing on dental waste.
Edit #2 Dental waste contains mercury which must be removed before the waste goes down the drain. most small dentist offices just have a small filter to catch the chunks, but in a 180 chair dental building there is an entire dental waste processing facility. The room where the holding tanks and sludge presses are smells so horrific that I have seen people walk in, immediately vomit on the floor, then run out with tears in their eyes.
I know what I’m asking to see the next time I get my teeth cleaned. TAKE ME TO THE DENTAL WASTE VAULT. I MUST SEE IT!