Science Has Found The Cure For Hangovers And It’s The Absolute Worst Remedy Ever

Hangover Cures


Ever since man discovered alcohol, man has been searching for a magical elixir to cure the pains caused by hangovers. There have been a multitude of proposed remedies that are said to cure the agony of overindulging of alcohol such as coffee, fatty foods, pears and even IVs. Those nasty congeners dehydrate you and cause your blood vessels to expand giving you a whopping headache, dizziness, queasiness, fatigue but science says that they have finally found the absolute cure for this debilitating condition and it’s the absolute worst piece of medical advice that I have ever read.

Apparently the only way to eliminate a hangover is not drinking a shitload of water or eating a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, but the scientific answer is to not drink as much alcohol. Um. Hello. Science? That answer sucks. We deserve better. Stop being lazy. It’s the year 2015, we’re sending probes into the farthest depths of our solar system, even beyond Pluto. Science can give a boy two brand new hands with a double transplant. We have material that can self-heal like from Terminator. And you’re going to tell me that will all of our mind-blowing technological and medical advancements that science can’t fix a little thing like a hangover?

The disheartening research was presented at the European College of Neuropharmacology (ECNP) conference in Amsterdam in the Netherlands. The study examined the drinking habits of 789 Canadian students, including the number of alcoholic drinks that were consumed, how long it took them to drink them and how severe the hangovers were. These scientists discovered that 79 percent of the participants who claimed they never experienced hangovers had estimated blood alcohol concentration scores of less than 0.10 percent (Most states cite under 0.08 percent BAC for safe driving).

“The majority of those who in fact reported never having a hangover tended to drink less, perhaps less than they themselves thought would lead to a hangover,” lead author Dr. Joris Verster of Utrecht University in the Netherlands stated.

Dr. Verster also said that the more alcohol the participants consumed, the more likely they were to develop a hangover afterwards.



They conducted a second part of the study which investigated on whether or not drinking water or eating food helped stop a hangover. The researchers asked 826 students from the Netherlands about their most recent heavy drinking experience, and how severe if any the hangovers were and whether or not they had food or water after the alcohol. A total of 449 of the students (54.4 percent) reported eating or drinking water after consuming alcohol. However, the severity of the hangover did not exhibit significant differences between each other and did not present with a statistically vital finding.

Dr. Verster revealed that the students who ate food or drank water after drinking reported a slight statistical improvement in how they felt compared to those who did not, but that the margin was so slim that it was not a meaningful difference.

“Up to now the only thing that is effective to prevent hangovers is to consume alcohol in moderation,” Dr. Verster said. “Water may help against thirst and dry mouth but other hangover symptoms (e.g. nausea) persist. Dehydration is an effect of alcohol, but not the cause of the hangover. It’s more likely that the immune system is involved.”

In no means whatsoever I don’t claim to be a scientist, but I have done my own intense studies on this subject. I can say for certain that a combination of drinking higher end clear liquors that have less congeners, such as vodka as gin, that have been distilled at least five times, in addition to staying hydrated and eating food after you are done drinking GREATLY cuts down the risks of waking up with a hangover the next morning. It’s a goddamn fact, based on my scientific research on one very willing participant.

Thanks for friggin’ nothing science.