Did You Know Scorpions Poo From Their Death Tails, But If It Falls Off, They Can Die Of Not Pooping?
Of all the unholy creatures God placed on this Earth to remind humans the He can kill any one of us as painfully and as terrifyingly as He wants at any given moment, scorpions have to be top five on that list. Imagine seeing a scorpion, let alone being stabbed by one. Even the name petrifies me. Scorpion. Scorpion. The closest ones to me right now are probably in the Arizona desert, and that is way way way too close. I need them separated from me by entire galaxies,
But, I learned a hilarious little quirk. They poo out of their death tails. Imagine if you pooped out of your punch fist. No one would take you seriously ever again. And I’m gonna take scorpions a little less serious after learning today that their anus is part of their tail. From National Geographic.
A scorpion’s anus isn’t where you think it probably would be.
That is correct.
The gut extends all the way through the tail and opens up at the back of the fifth segment, just before the bit with the sting.
Though this could be even worse, because instead of just venom, it could sting you with fecal-laced venom. Not only would you die, but your wound would get sepsis.
But man, that is a stupid place for an ass, because sometimes scorpions need to shed their tails to get away from predators.
Many lizards can break off their tails when they’re in danger. Many spiders can do the same to their legs. This is called autotomy. The body parts have in-built lines of weakness that can easily tear, and the wounds tend to rapidly close and heal. Usually, the limbs grow back. The animal temporarily loses a bit of itself, which is better than losing its life.
Camilo Mattoni from the National University of Cordoba in Argentina has discovered that a group of rare South American scorpions—the Ananteris genus—can also break off their tails. He has seen six species do so after he tried to grab them from behind with forceps; they wriggle furiously for a few seconds and then sever their tails after the second or third segments.
Except scorpion tails don’t grow back. Instead, these horrific animals get filled with poo.
So, when a scorpion performs autotomy, it leaves the final bits of its digestive tract writhing on the ground. And since the tail never grows back, that scorpion can never defecate again. Mattoni could actually see their abdomens swelling up thanks to the build-up of poo.
HAHAHAHAHAH. Fuck you, scorpions. Then, blessedly, blissfully, they die. Wait, they don’t? NOOOO.
Despite these problems, the tailless scorpions can survive for around eight months. That’s plenty of time in which to find mates and reproduce. This probably explains why young scorpions never perform autotomy. They wouldn’t get the chance to reproduce before they died, so they’re better off trying other defences.
Ever fucked while constipated? Imagine that times 1,000.
Regardless, I think we can all agree on one thing. Fuck scorpions, poo-filled or not.