To all the virgins out there reading this who feel bad about themselves because they’re 30 and still single, you can now point to someone else’s sex life and say “Well at least I’m not the guy who has sex with cars.” Who is “the guy” I’m talking about? His name is Edward Smith, and he’s has sex with over 700 cars.
The 62-year-old from Yelm, Washington, United States is a mechaphile – meaning he is sexually attracted to machines.
His unusual conquests have included roaring Mustangs, luxury Jaguars and even attack helicopters.
He said: “Some guys look at boobs and bums on beautiful women. I look at the front and rear on beautiful cars.”
Edward, who first became attracted to machines in his teens, went on to bonk hundreds of vehicles and at his peak was having sex with one a week.
If you think that Edward here sounds a little promiscuous with the whole “one car a week” thing you’d be correct, but he’s now past his day of casual sex with just any old automobile and has moved onto Vanilla, a second-hand Volkswagon Beetle he bought 30 years ago.
They’ve got an open relationship though.
… Edward also makes love to his 1973 Opal GT called Cinnamon and a 1193 Ford Ranger called Splash.
But Vanilla is ‘the one’ and Edward likes to woo the white-coloured hatchback with picnics and wine-fuelled dates.
He added: “When I hold Vanilla in my arms there’s a powerful energy that comes from her.
“I would say it is extremely satisfying but at times a little melancholy because I know she cannot talk to me. But overall I know she feels what I feel and its intense.”
He added: “If anything was to happen to her I would be more than heartbroken.”
And if you’re worried about ever letting Edward ride in your car because you think he might try and make moves on it (not that you’d ever run into this guy in real life, but hey you never know), there’s no need to worry.
He admits to being tempted to stray sometimes but added: “I know better now than to pursue other people’s private property without permission.
“I will not deny that I look at other cars on TV or at shows and still get those old impulses and desires – but those were the early days. Now I want to settle down with Vanilla.”
While the whole thing sounds bizarre, you have to admit that buying a car and making it your wife/husband/partner/whatever is a WAY easier process than going out and actually dating someone, and honestly probably cheaper in the long run.