The computer science course I took sophomore year of college was probably the hardest class I’ve ever taken and yet for nearly every quiz and exam question we had starting after the midterm I either drew pictures of dinosaurs fighting aliens or left it blank (can’t spoil the professor with TOO many pictures, y’know). Why not just make up an answer if I didn’t know it? Because I couldn’t even guess – everything may as well have been written in Arabic for all I could understand what I was even being fucking tested on, so why not just draw pictures and spend the class doodling instead?
I managed to pull a B- in the class since the majority of our grade was based on projects that I more or less conned our TA into doing for me – however I can’t say for sure that any of these kids via the Reddit thread “Teachers of reddit, what’s the funniest answer you’ve come across while grading papers?” passed as well:
I used to mark chemistry papers for a university. There was a question – the content I can’t recall – but an essay style answer was required. Anyway this one student had a complete mind blank and instead wrote this elaborate story about a lonely dragon who couldn’t make friends. So lots of different animals would take pity on him and try to be his friend but in his excitement he would set them on fire.
This went on for 3 or 4 sides, stopped midsentence, there was a line break, and they started the correct essay. To this day I wonder if the dragon ever made any friends without accidentally killing them, poor guy.
A third grader’s homework was to define vocab words, and one of them was “parent.”
His definition: “adults who own you”
Question: “What are your opinions on sex before marriage?” (16 marks)
Answer: “I wouldn’t buy a car before test driving it.”
“How does dietary fibre aids in digestion?”
It smoothens the shit
I had my students in U.S. History create advertisements to convince people to move onto the Great Plains. One student simply drew a donkey and wrote “bring that ass here boy!”
List 3 different gasses:
On a thermodynamics test, the students had to define “adiabatic.” One student answered “someone who needs insulin.” I think I gave them half credit.
I remember that there was once in our chinese character test, we had to figure out what 堂狗風月 meant. It’s a proverb and roughly means ‘A school’s dog will be able to read and write in 3 years'(you get affected by what you’re with) but a kid wrote “If you can’t figure it out in 3 years, you’re stupider than a dog.” He probably did it on purpose.
Not a teacher but as a secondary school student I completely forgot what metallic bonding was in my chemistry exam (the real one, not the mock).
So, in the 10 minutes I had left over at the end, after I’d finished all the other questions, I drew a diagram of an iron atom and a magnesium atom with speech bubbles depicting their conversation. Things like “hi there, how’s your day been?” and similarly friendly things.
At the bottom, I wrote a caption saying:
As you can see, these metallic atoms are bonding. They will be friends in no time.
In French GSCE speaking exam :
She was meant to say : J’ai voyagé en avion (I travelled on a plane).
She said : J’ai violé en avion. (I raped on a plane).
Oh how we laughed. She didn’t have a clue what she said though.
A Japanese quiz where a student wrote, “I don’t know, I’m sorry, I didn’t study, dishonor on my family and my cow.” She drew the saddest cow on the bottom of the page. She wasn’t Chinese, for the record. Edit: The dishonor on your family and cow thing is a Mulan reference, which is Chinese. Nothing to do with the quiz or class itself.
There was also an assignment where the numbers were written in Japanese, you had to write it in Arabic numbers (ex. 1, 2, 3…). This fucker wrote in Roman numerals. I laughed, and then I wanted to stab him.
Write a Journal about what you did this weekend:
Student consistently added more and more elaborate drinking games that his dad and mom played at home with their friends.
Not a teacher but I saw the question “How do you construct a door?” and for the answer they drew a Minecraft crafting table with 6 blocks of wooden planks in it.