Truck drivers of America gathered together on the forums of the Internet to share stories of the most WTF things they’ve ever seen drivers doing on our nation’s highways, and I’ve pulled together the best of those stories because I want you bros to know what’s out there.
You thought getting road head was the end-all-be-all of highway sex antics? Try reverse cowgirl in the driver’s seat so that she can steer while you keep your foot on the gas petal. You think that texting and driving is dangerous? How about reading the goddamn newspaper in the driver’s seat with your windshield completely obstructed, all while your elderly wife in the passenger seat holds the steering wheel. These are real stories of drivers on our nation’s highways, the same highways that you and I drive on every week. Get ready to have your mind blown:
I’ve told this story before on similar threads but I have no problem telling it again.
I once drove by an elderly man in a chauffeurs suit driving a Chrysler Lebaron. In the back was a teenager in a tuxedo and a completely naked elderly woman. I don’t know what the fuck was going on but it reinforced my opinion that lebarons are the creepiest vehicle on the road.
On another note I frequently see people doing cocaine or jerking off.
I had sex while driving down a highway in North Carolina. I waited until no one was around and she climbed into my lap in a reverse cowgirl position (so she could grab the wheel if needed). Just as I’m starting to bop her head against the visor, a truck merges onto the highway beside us.
We were in plain sight. I made eye contact with the trucker for a brief second. He just gawked. I looked away and let him pass. No one came. That shit is hard.
I hope that trucker mentions me on this thread.
I’m not a trucker, but when I was in college, I was a Call FF/EMT. While driving back to the house one night after a run to the hospital, we noticed a car going conspicuously slow on the highway. Naturally, I slowed the ambulance down when we got next to him. What we saw was a young man, with hands on ten and two and his eyes straight ahead, getting his cock absolutely devoured by a blonde girl who’s face I never saw. He looked over at us with this goofy-ass look on his face, so my partner and I gave him the obligatory thumbs up. He took the ten hand off, returned us a thumbs up, and went back to driving. After a minute or two of cracking up, we sped away.
A lot of sexual stuff. Pretty much you-name-it, I saw it.
For non-sexual, a lot of bathroom stuff. Bathrooms can be hard to find in some areas so it’s somewhat understandable, but occasionally you get surprised.
The common is a guy urinating in a bottle.
But I have also seen:
A) A young woman (the driver) stop her car on a very slowly moving onramp (1 MPH due to heavy congestion on the highway it was merging to), get out, drop her pants to her ankles, and urinate on the onramp with hundreds of people watching. I saw everything.
B) Same as A, but she just hung her ass out the driver’s window and urinated into the wind/on her car because we were all doing about 10 MPH. Bizarre.
C) A man defecate while driving. He laid out a newspaper on the bench seat next to him, dropped his pants, hovered his ass over the paper, and let loose. Then cleaned up, rolled up the soiled paper and put in a plastic bag. We are doing about 10 MPH at the time. He must have really had to go.
Was stopped at a light and saw a girl dig in her buttcrack for a good 5 seconds, pull her finger out and stare at it, then gave it a good sniff, then wipe it off on her shirt.
I’ve seen sex of all kinds with all types of objects. But nothing beats seeing an older guy sleeping in the drivers’ seat with presumably the cruise control on and his elderly wife holding the wheel. That one got a nice long air horn
Not a trucker but in a large truck once. Car full of kids/family comes rolling by on the freeway. Husband was reading newspaper folded open in front of him with both hands on each side of the paper blocking his entire view. Wife reaching over from passenger seat steering the car. This was a 16 seat Mormon Assault Vehicle (MAV) filled to the brim with children.
I used to be a FedEx driver. So, not quite an 18-wheeler, but I was still high up in my truck and could see down into people’s cars pretty easily.
One morning I’m heading out for the start of my route, and I’m in morning rush hour traffic.
I come to a stop at a red light, traffic stopped all around me. I glance out my window, down at the car next to me. And what do I see? A guy eating a bowl of cereal at the wheel of his car.
He was holding the bowl in his right hand and steering with his left. When traffic came to a stop, he would grab the spoon with his left hand and furiously shovel spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth. Then go back to steering when traffic started moving again.
Old lady, doing 20 under the limit. I pass, only to find out that the bitch is knitting a god damned sweater.
If we don’t include sexual then…
Open briefcase on passenger seat, tablet on wheel, phone in hand, paperwork everywhere. Whilst overtaking me dong 40-45 on the A40 into London.
Turned 180, talking to /shouting at kids in rear seat whilst overtaking me doing 56 on the motorway.
Changing clothes whilst driving.
Playing keyboard on lap.
If we do include sexual… Numerous roadhead sightings.
Couple having sex on passenger seat whilst someone else is driving.
A transvestite drives around the North circ in London at night, naked from waist down.
Getting handjob from passenger, whilst driving around Marble Arch.
Sexual ones go in waves, nothing for months and then lots of sightings one after another. Some areas of the UK it is more common than others. Non sexual ones are getting more common, people are getting worse. If I drove the same truck everyday I would fit a second dashcam on my side window, unfortunately I drive fleet motors and change all the time.
I once saw an entire highway of people driving to detroit. TO Detroit!
Making an omelette on a little hot plate.
When I was in jr. high school we were on a field trip and stuck on the bus in traffic. One of the kids whispers to the guys nearby that he thinks a chick is touching herself. So we all pile over to the window and see some chick in a Miata and she just has her hand in her lap. Everyone is disappointed and the kid catches hell for it. Some time passes then the kid yells out “I told you!” so we run over and sure enough her hand was up her skirt and she was diddling herself. This time almost the whole bus pretty much is looking over including the chaperone. Once she figured out what we were looking at she turned the verbal water hose on us and made us all sit down and face forwards. Then she went back to the front of the bus where the other adults were and started giggling about it.
I always found the mental image hilarious of a school bus full of kids with their noses pressed up on the glass, watching a young woman in a sun dress casually going knuckles deep without the slightest clue. After that we spent every bus trip till highschool looking into the cabins of passing cars just in case.
I’ve seen someone getting a hand job.
I’ve seen someone choking the chicken.
I saw a little ankle-biter dog on the “shelf” behind the rear seat of a car taking a dump.
A car was next to me on the interstate. The driver felt fine about driving right alongside me until the fucker’s hood came off and hit my windshield and driver side door. He hit the gas and kept on driving.
I know I’ve seen lots more, especially car accidents where a car is around a pole or flipped upside down and you wonder how the hell they got that way because you’re in town, it’s 35 mph, and its too busy to go flying down the road.
So a few years ago I was driving along a very long and boring stretch of road in Nebraska. When I’m driving a stretch like this I usually spend most of my time people watching because well, people are fucking strange.
Things were going about like normal. You’ve got your typical fat fuckers, pretty women, and clapped out vehicles to admire. Every once in a great while you stumble upon something that you will be unable to ever forget. This was one of those times and it happened to be a trucker that was doing the dirty deed.
Now I know that truckers aren’t usually the most, uh, gentlemanly bunch but this guy took things to the next level of fucking weird.
He was doing the typical trucker people watching that you do on long, boring stretches of road. I imagine this had been going on for quite some time because Nebraska is nothing but a long stretch of boring road. Absolutely nothing of value to look at.
There he was in traffic speeding up, slowing down, looking left, looking right. He would seem to be looking for the fattest, nastiest fucker he could find because there were pretty ladies and boys all over the place. He was ignoring them and would focus on the trailer trash Kings and Queens in their janky ass, rusted out 1987 Ford Country Squire wagons. For some reason that seems to be the vehicle of choice. Perhaps because it’s easy to acquire a fleet of them to be stored in your yard. If on any given day you have only a 25% chance of the car starting you need to have four vehicles to ensure you’ll be able to get out to buy some menthols and slim jims.
Anyways, I started to speed up and slow down just to get a good look. This, in hindsight, was a huge mistake.
I finally caught up and saw this man with his pants and underwear completely missing. When you’re up high in a truck you don’t expect anyone to be able to see you so sometimes truckers are known to pull their fat hogs out and start tugging one out.
Unfortunately that’s not what this man was doing. I couldn’t stop staring as I looked at his hairy ass lifted up off of the seat. His penis was hard as marble and was barely visible above his big fat nasty gut. His seat was covered in the must putrid green and brown slurry of shit. Some real primo muck. He had in his hand a bottle of cheap ass colt 45 beer. Only it wasn’t beer that was filling the bottle, it was something much worse.
As I watched in total disgust I saw him sliding the end of the bottle into and out of his ass. It was a very slow process because the only lube he had available was the intestinal sludge he was able to excrete.
Finally he saw me in the mirror. A chill ran down my spine as I realized the most horrible and wretched truth. That clearly deranged and fucked up man was me. l was watching myself in the rearview mirror. As I realized this I couldn’t help but pull the bottle up to my nose and give it a good long sniff. The smell of your own brand is always the most satisfying and intoxicating.
I quickly hit the cabin air recirculate button on the dash and continued on through Nebraska in the only way I knew how to get through the state. By being in a euphoric high from smelling the rancid hydrogen sulfides coming from my rectum.
Thank you for reading.
And last but not least…
One time I saw someone with both hands on the wheel, not texting or talking on a cell phone, paying attention to the road. They weren’t even cursing or flipping anybody off. It was just… weird
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