How Do I ‘Win’ My Breakup? My Girlfriend Is Lame In The Bedroom?

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Q: I’ve mainly been single for most of my life but I recently have been in a relationship for the past 6 months. We definitely click emotionally but not so much physically. The sex is good, but it’s not amazing/mind blowing, which I’ve experienced from previous partners. I’m still wanting/waiting for her to break out of her shell and bring out her inner freak in the bedroom, but it still hasn’t happened.

I feel that she may not feel 100% secure about her body/sex even though I find her sexy as hell and tell her all the time. I’m not sure how to approach the issue in conversation, and maybe she just doesn’t have that inner freak inside of her that I’m looking for? I feel like my sexual drive is higher than hers and I’m not sure if this is something that can be changed, leaving me with doubts if she is in fact “the one,” or if I should let her go now so nobody wastes their time.

A: Clicking in the bedroom is important, but it’s not everything – if you can really see a future with her and think at one point in the near(ish) future you might love her, why not stick around? Maybe you’ll learn to overlook the fact that she’s a vanilla wafer in bed.

On the other hand, if you really think your sexual chemistry is lacking and that’s a definite deal breaker for you, just break it off now. Like you said, no point in wasting your time. All it really comes down to is what you value more: how much you like her vs. how much you want a freak in the sheets.

Q: Do girls prefer guys to approach them just as a friendly guy who passively eventually gets your number, or do they prefer a direct approach where a guy just lays it out that he wants your number so y’all can meet up?

A: Depends on the girl, but honestly your best bet is passively getting a number. If some dude walks straight up to me and throws his number in my face I’m NOT going to text him. He not only sounds like a douche but I don’t know anything about him or whether we’ve got jack in common – so why bother texting him if it’ll probably be a waste of my time? But like I said, it all depends on the girl. I know some chicks love the aggressive douche move, in which case you kind of just have to assess the situation from afar, make your best guess and go in semi-blind.

Q: I’m a tall guy. 6’5”. When I’m at bars or parties I have noticed that really short girls try a lot harder to flirt with/seduce above average height guys? Is there a reason or is it just me?

A: Well to you every girl you meet probably seems short, so to some extent it’s a matter of perspective. Assuming the girls you speak of are ACTUALLY like 5-foot nothing, I don’t have an answer for you. None of my short friends have ever really addressed this explicitly, so I’m thinking maybe it’s got something to do with evolutionary biology. Like, short chicks look for tall dudes so their offspring even out to be average, or so that they’re more “protected” from predators – not that we’re tigers or anything, but you get what I’m saying.

Q: I’m going to be a college freshman in like a month and I really don’t think I can go from having a bathroom to myself to the communal bathrooms. Even the thought of them makes me want to dry heave. Tips?

A: Find out what times the janitor cleans the bathrooms and try to keep your showers right around that window – that way the bathrooms are the cleanest when you use them, plus the likelihood that someone’s used your shower before you have is lower. As for toilets…well, I guess you could take dumps in the bushes outside, but that sounds worse than using a communal bathroom. You’re just gonna have to suck it up on that one.

Q: So my girlfriend of 3 years(now ex) cheated on me, and to make a long story short we live in a small(ish) town so I’m probably (I have already) going to run into her continuously. I would describe myself as the stereotypical Bro and have a textbook dad bod, but I’ve been hitting the gym more and watching what I eat to tone up. What are the best ways to win the break-up and make her miserable without being a straight up asshole?

A: Exactly that – get hot. Literally every breakup is won by either getting hotter than you were while in the relationship, hooking up with more attractive people than your ex immediately proceeding your breakup, or both. Preferably both. Oh and you have to make sure she knows you’re getting with hotter chicks than her, but since you’re from a small town I’ll assume word travels without much effort and you won’t have to put much work into knowing whether or not she found out.

As for getting hot…just keep doing what you’re doing. Diet pills are complete bullshit, it’s all about your macros and calorie intake. Just make to fill yourself with hatred and spite before every workout as a motivational tool and you should be good.

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