These 10 Things Were All The Rage In Pop Culture The Last Time Eli Manning Didn’t Start For The Giants

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November 21, 2004. That is the date Eli Manning made his Giants debut. From there, he never looked back–210 straight games starting for a franchise is only bested by Brett Favre in the history of the NFL. But, as the G-Boys currently hold a 2-9 record and have about as good a chance making the playoffs as JPP does winning in a game of rock, paper, scissor, Eli will be sitting to start the game for the first time in a very, very long time.

How long? To give you a little perspective, the last time Eli wasn’t manning the ship in New York, these 10 things were dominated pop culture.

Ashlee Simpson’s ‘Pieces Of Me’ was released and you had to pretend it was a shitty song in front of your friends but swagged out to it in the car with your mom.

Geno Smith was so young he couldn’t go on a school field trip without a permission slip.

Geno was 14. And probably just discovered his penis.

Facebook was still just a fun project to get Mark Zuckerberg laid in his Harvard dorm room. 

The last time Eli wasn’t the under center for the Giants, Zuckerberg had just completed a program called  “Facemash” that he allegedly stole from those boat-rowing robot twins. Facemash transitioned to thefacebook.com and in 2005, the company dropped the ‘the’ to become Facebook.com. Before Eli started quarterbacking for the New York Football Giants, people were forced to creep on their crushes the old fashioned way: with a ladder, binoculars, camouflage, and a full tub of Vaseline. Ah, the good old days.

Ben McAdoo had a made up job with the New Orleans Saints. 

McAdoo’s official title: Offensive Quality Control Coordinator. Just making sure the offense isn’t getting recalled due to microbial contamination. Doing God’s work. It bothers me more than it should that we live in a world where football teams have ‘Quality Control Coordinators’ but we can’t get another body working at the DMV. Fucking Obama, man.

I was still a virgin.

Still am, but was back then too.

Ryan Reynolds got engaged to Alanis Morissette. How ironic. 

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Reynolds looks like he’s being held hostage.

The Motorola Razr was the iPhone before iPhone.

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This phone doesn’t get nearly enough shine for its work in laying the groundwork to send and receive nudes on the go with the touch of a button.

Napolean Dynamite made its much needed entrance into the world. 

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Is that Uncle Rico filming his five-step drop or Eli Manning trying to send tape to NFL teams to get a job next year? Too soon? Blow me.

Jared Fogle founded the Jared Foundation, a nonprofit organization focused on “educational programs” for kids. 

If only we could turn back time…Or if Chris Hansen was a little better at his job.

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Lindsay Lohan wrapped up 2004 with a New Year’s Eve performance no one asked for. 

That’s right, you’d have to rewind your clocks back to the days when Lindsay Lohan was known for blowing ear drums rather than blowing lines of coke to zero in on the pre-Eli era.

*****

Congratulations to Eli. I haven’t seen streaks longer than his since the last time I wore white underwear before Taco Bell. 210 game ain’t nothing to scoff at.

 

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.