Bill Simmons Went Full Conspiracy Theorist To Explain Why LaVar Ball Hasn’t Said Anything Stupid In A While

lakers paid lavar ball hush money

Getty Image

When we last checked in with LaVar Ball, he was going off about how Lonzo couldn’t possibly learn anything from LeBron James because he’d already taught his son everything he needs to know about basketball.

That laughable statement came a month after the patriarch of the Ball family said he could have beaten LeBron one-on-one back in the day despite video evidence to the contrary

At the time of this writing, the “Time Since LaVar Ball Has Said Something Dumb” counter currently sits at a shocking 41 days.

I’m pretty sure this is the longest LaVar has gone without saying something idiotic since he first burst onto the scene last year and I’m honestly kind of worried about how he’s doing.

After all, we’re talking about the dude who posted of GIF of himself dunking on Donald Trump¬†after the two men went back and forth for the title of World’s Strongest Blowhard.

That’s not exactly the kind of guy who strays away from controversy.

The Lakers are set to kick off their season in less than a month, and while this would seem to be prime feather-ruffling season, the consummate Basketball Dad has remained suspiciously quiet in the past few weeks.

There’s a chance Ball experienced ego death during an ayahuasca pilgrimage and finally saw the error of his ways, but if Bill Simmons is to be believed, there’s a slightly more plausible explanation.

According to Total Pro Sports, Simmons chatted with Mike Francesa on Tuesday and says he believes the Lakers are paying LaVar to keep his mouth shut, saying:

“Remember when Serena’s dad was an issue for a long time and then all of a sudden we kind of never heard from him anymore? I have a feeling that’s where this is going to go. He’ll be getting a nice paycheck to not really be heard from that much.”

He also noted LaVar had about as good of a chance of winning a verbal battle with LeBron as a toddler with a Nerf sword would if they faced off against a seasoned samurai:

“You don’t want to be on the other side against LeBron. LeBron is the most popular team sports athlete we have had in America since I don’t know when. Anything he does people are all in at this point. LaVar Ball is losing against LeBron.”

If you come at The King you best not miss.


Connor O'Toole avatar
Connor Toole is the Deputy Editor at BroBible. He is a New England native who went to Boston College and currently resides in Brooklyn, NY. Frequently described as "freakishly tall," he once used his 6'10" frame to sneak in the NBA Draft and convince people he was a member of the Utah Jazz.