Sooo Cardinals Pitcher Carlos Villanueva Looks To Have Shit His Pants On The Mound Last Night
Kris Bryant gets an infield single and Carlos Villanueva gets a perfectly placed dirt stain. Great at-bat. pic.twitter.com/Z6LtppYBcR
— John Estep (@johnnydizz) September 9, 2015
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsComing from a dude whose shit his pants on more than one occasion, I am qualified and confident to say that the stain on the back of Carlos Villanueva’s pants, in fact, 100% organic shit. Sure you can claim it to be “dirt” or even “spilt dip spit” and I couldn’t technically prove you wrong, but “it’s more probable than not” that it’s doo doo. And since cryptic, baseless phrases like “more probable than not” is all the certainty some need to accuse a star athlete, I guess I’ll jump on the smear campaign, quite literally.
— G (@greggds) September 9, 2015
But looking at this objectively, it’s very unlikely that it’s dirt because his entire ass is as white as triple-ply Charmin, with the exception of a poop-colored stain over his butthole. So either he smeared mud over his own asshole or he had Chipotle before the game, which in that case, he never stood a chance.
Did Carlos Villanueva poop his pants? pic.twitter.com/VgKWVTov2t
— Pete Siegal (@petesiegal) September 9, 2015
Welcome aboard the Shit Yourself Club, Carlos. Happy to have ya.
I’m President and my boy George Brett is VP. You’re in good company.
Happens to all the greats.