Sooo Cardinals Pitcher Carlos Villanueva Looks To Have Shit His Pants On The Mound Last Night

by 3 years ago

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsComing from a  dude whose shit his pants on more than one occasion, I am qualified and confident to say that the stain on the back of Carlos Villanueva’s pants, in fact, 100% organic shit. Sure you can claim it to be “dirt” or even “spilt dip spit” and I couldn’t technically prove you wrong, but “it’s more probable than not” that it’s doo doo. And since cryptic, baseless phrases like “more probable than not” is all the certainty some need to accuse a star athlete, I guess I’ll jump on the smear campaign, quite literally.

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But looking at this objectively, it’s very unlikely that it’s dirt because his entire ass is as white as triple-ply Charmin, with the exception of a poop-colored stain over his butthole. So either he smeared mud over his own asshole or he had Chipotle before the game, which in that case, he never stood a chance.

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Welcome aboard the Shit Yourself Club, Carlos. Happy to have ya.

I’m President and my boy George Brett is VP. You’re in good company.

Happens to all the greats.

 

[h/t Kyle Koster, The Big Lead]


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