NFL Demands Its ‘Man Of The Year’ Piss In A Cup To Prove It

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In the year 2020, Charles Tillman is very much not an NFL player.

Charles Tillman was not an NFL player in 2016 when he signed with Fox to be part of the Fox NFL Kickoff, and certainly was not when bailed on the contract to pursue the life of an FBI agent shortly after.

The Bears legend officially became an FBI employee in 2018, but Roger Goon-dell and his posse of stiffs in suits evidently still believe that the 39-year-old is still punching out balls like they’re greased up with with Josh McCown’s hair gel.

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The NFL, in all its infinite logic, recently sent Tillman an email demanding the former Walter Payton Man Of The Year piss in a cup to see if he’s still righteous. 

Leave it to Roger Goodell and the NFL to try to drug test an FBI agent. Can’t script this shit.

Obviously this was unintentional, but if you don’t think this is disrespectful, try to imagine how you’d feel about your old job contacting you out of the blue to tell you how to have fun. I all but lit my cube on fire when I walked out of the finance industry.

Unrelatedly Related: Charles Tillman causing 10 fumbles in one season while playing cornerback is low-key the most insane not-talked-about-enough statistic. Guy was a menace.

UPDATE: It appears the NFL is just blasting out emails to anyone who’s ever strapped up like they signed up for its credit card.

Before the NFL can have an actual football season amidst a pandemic, it may want to put down the bottle.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.