A single bead of sweat runs down the porcelain face of Dan Campbell’s office toilet as the stall door swings open each morning and the Lions head coach begins anxiously tap dancing in front of it like a runner at a red light.
No toilet, no matter it’s past sins, should be subjected to the daily abuse Dan Campbell bestows upon it every morning after purging a Starbucks coffee intake fit for a resurrection.
Tell me you do cocaine without telling me you do cocaine:
— Woodward Sports Network (@woodwardsports) August 3, 2021
“Normally what I do is I get two venti. At Starbucks, I get two venti of the Pike with two shots in them. So, black in both.”
40 ounces of coffee and four espresso shots amounts to 1,100 mg of caffeine, or the equivalent of drinking 10 Red Bulls every single morning. The FDA daily limit suggestion is 400 mg per day.
I'm ready to call it: With all due respect to Vrabel, Flores, Saleh….Dan Campbell wins the NFL coach battle royale. This man cannot be stopped. https://t.co/nBgiEY84HN
— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) August 4, 2021
[drinks 80 ounces of coffee and four shots of espresso]
Dan Campbell: pic.twitter.com/Hq5FXzsWbe
— Bills Defender (@billsboner) August 4, 2021
He actually died 3 weeks ago, but his heart is still pumping solely on caffeine
— Lord Voldemort (@TeamBubba23) August 4, 2021
Y’all must of forgot pic.twitter.com/lXzp0msOhT
— Jay (@jaybizniss) August 4, 2021
His toilet 15 mins after getting to the complex pic.twitter.com/NajnCxFU6s
— Austin (@Abar_VFL) August 4, 2021
his heart: pic.twitter.com/mifmZdiL1C
— La Maquina (@Puch110) August 4, 2021
Dan Campbell when he walks into the office every day pic.twitter.com/b4FOA4KPWa
— Will (@McNiffed) August 4, 2021
Anyone have any blow they can send Dan’s way? Not sure it will help much with the toilet abuse, but will alleviate the teeth stain.