Last week, we all became Jared Goff fanboys upon realizing that the 24-year-old Rams QB had a snowball’s chance in hell of scoring with Halle Berry–ya know, the actress that we tirelessly rewinded Swordfish growing up to see sans-shirt while our parents were under the impression we were watching Boy Meets World. Just me? Of course not, she’s fucking Hollywood royalty. I don’t feel shame if you don’t.
We needed Jared Goff to gain traction with Halle Berry, not for him, but for ourselves. It would validate the lie we’ve told ourselves for decades that Halle Berry is accessible, attainable, actionable. In an odd way, this trivial exchange between two Hollywood strangers spoke more to me than dozens of college professors.
It all started after audio from Week 10’s Rams-Seahawks game became public. Goff could be heard calling “Halle Berry” as an audible.
The Hollywood babe responded by inquiring why a play call would be named after her, to which Goff suavely replied:
Did Goff’s shot fall on deaf ears? What a waste of a divine line.
Turns out, Goff just needed to throw for 413 yards and 4 touchdowns against the Kansas City Chiefs in one of the most excited NFL games of all-time to get Halle Berry’s ongoing attention.
The 52-year-old goddess woke up Tuesday morning and before even sipping her morning coffee, shot out a tweet in response to a Twitter user asking her if she was watching Jared Goff.
This is textbook flirtation. Congratulate the team while tagging the individual. Don’t want to come off too over-eager but also want to make a pointed comment at your potential suitor. That’s why they say to always pay substantial attention to your crush’s friend to create interest and check the “if you want to be my lover, you gotta get with my friends” box.
Halle Berry knows what she’s doing and we’re all here for it.
We will keep you updated with any transgressions.