Jamal Murray Joins An Impressive List Of Sports Figures Who’ve Been Caught Being Horny Online

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Whether Jamal Murray was hacked or just accidentally uploaded a video getting a beamer to millions of people is not for me to speculate.

I believe that an athlete should not be required to go on a social media-mandated apology tour for being Horny Online when the rest of America does so every day, twice a day without reservation. Being Horny Online is like HPV: everyone has it but no one admits it.

The only way we can shatter this stigma is to revisit some famous Horny Online moments from your favorite figures in sports.

Here are just a few feisty fucks.

JAMES BROWN

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In 2017, the CBS broadcaster tweeted out a porn link in which the descriptor read “Sexy little brunette b—— s——— and f—— her personal trainer’s big —!”


Couldn’t have said it better myself, JB. I actually think I’ve seen that one. Fast forward to the 4:18 mark for the money shot you horny bastard.

The tweet was live for 15 minutes, likely until after JB showered and smoked a cigarette.

The sportscaster then tweeted out: “Obviously my account has been hacked!!!”

Whatever you say, JB. Now I can’t even look at you on Sundays without picturing you fully erect under the booth.

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Ok, James. TMI.

Ray Allen

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***WARNING: The following tweet is so salacious, you can almost taste it.***

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Ray. Excuse me, Ray. This is a Wendy’s can you please put your penis away?

Oh, that’s right. The person tweeting from your account wasn’t you. Got it.

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I would more easily believe this if Allen hasn’t gotten so horny online before, he had to go to court for it.

Bobby Petrino

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Nearly 1 in 3 men over the age of 50 have low T. Bobby Petrino refuses to be a statistic.

When he isn’t having an affair with an assistant half his age, Petrino enjoys a California merlot and liking smut porn online.

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Being horny online is perfectly fine. Lying about it isn’t.

In a statement made thereafter, Petrino zipped up his khakis and said this:

I was alerted this morning that there was inappropriate material on my official Twitter account. While the account is generally under my supervision, there are multiple people, and possibly an unauthorized user who have access to my account. We’ve always taken the appropriate steps to make sure our official social media accounts are secure and are we taking measures to make sure this situation never happens again.

LeBron James

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In 2016, LeBron europstepped into then 18-year-old girlfriend of Jordan Poyer, Rachel Bush.

LeBron’s game can most aptly be described as Ben Simmons From Beyond 6 Feet. 

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Creative.

LeBron James Part II

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In July 2017, LeBron was exposed for sliding into the DMs of IG model Heidi Hoback.

While he remained silent on the slide, I totally would’ve believed him if he told me a high school girl from Orange County hacked him. “Deal? Lol.” Someone needs to remind LeBron that he’s the best athlete the world has ever seen and not a backup on the Powderpuff team. I have more game than this and I don’t even own a watch.

Draymond Green

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In July 2016, fresh off blowing a 3-1 lead to the Cavs, Draymond Green grieved the collapse by posting an up-close photo of his meat popsicle to his Snapchat story.

Green first claimed he was “hacked” before coming clean.

The world has yet to see a decipherable image of Big Foot, but we’ve been forced to confront an ultra-HD photo of Draymond Green’s dick. What an unjust God.

***

Ok, Draymond Green’s hog seems like a good place to end this.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.