This Japanese Goalie Gave Up The Easiest Goal In Human History And She Should Probably Flee The Country

So we’re all thinking she let it in on purpose, right? Like there can’t be any other school of thought. The chick was probably a little short on June rent so she put herself in a straight jacket as the ball dribbled in her direction. Oops! I’m rich now. And she should just straight up admit it when questioned. Because “I wanted to make a little money on the side” sounds a helluva lot better than “I’m a professional goalie and I let in a goal that Stephen Hawking could have saved because I am the most uncoordinated person in all of Japan.” At least the media will be able to rationalize making a little extra on the side. They’ll understand the end game. But to say that you froze like a wax statue when you were trying not to freeze like a wax statue is utterly pathetic and it will bring the most shame upon your family. I advise you to book the next flight out of Japan to like anywhere because you caused 127 million Japanese people to denounce their nationality and me to cancel my dinner reservations at a Japanese steakhouse.

[H/T Barstool]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.