Jason Garrett’s Response To Doug Pederson Guaranteeing A Win Over His Team Is Pitiful

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I don’t know why I expected more from Jason Garrett, the human equivalent of black licorice.

Maybe it’s because the Cowboys have lost three straight, and most recently shit the bed to a previously winless Jets team. Maybe it’s because Cowboys fans have created a GoFundMe to pay off Garrett’s $3 million contract and have him fired.

I don’t know what it is, but if Garrett isn’t going to show me a little fire after the coach of a division rival guaranteed to come into Dallas next week and leapfrog them in the NFC East, it will never happen.

Eagles coach Doug Pederson said to 94.1 WIP on Monday, “We’re going down to Dallas, and our guys are gonna be ready to play. And we’re gonna win that football game, and when we do, we’re in first place in the NFC East.”

Pederson just whipped out his meat popsicle and took a piss on the star at midfield.

What’s Garrett’s response to this incredible injustice?

More dry grilled chicken.

He said via Cowboys beat writer Clarence Hill Jr.:

“We are excited about the challenge. They are a great football team. We are going to focus on the challenge to play great football Sunday night.”

It’s actually impressive Garrett was able to speak coherently directly after getting his balls snipped off.

He is who I thought he was.

[h/t For The Win]

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.