After a startlingly entertaining Super Bowl last February that saw Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs stun a reeling and rattled Niners defense late in the fourth to win 31-20, we are finally back after experiencing what feels like an 11-year layoff. Remember, it was just over a month after Super Bowl 54 when the pandemic hit and everything — literally everything — came to an abrupt halt and it’s been a strange, surreal, and pretty deflating time ever since. But it’s important to stay positive, especially with the NBA and NHL gifting us with the outlet of some classic playoff games and knowing the NFL is right around the corner, as well as all of your fantasy football bullshit that comes with it.
Looking good, Big Red, looking good! And I mean that sincerely. Not sure I’ve ever seen the guy look healthier and happier, complete with a twinkle in his eye and a Super Bowl ring the size of a delectable meatball.
Anyway, what we’re here to do right now in this “NFL Fashion Preview” is more or less conduct a check-in on all the new faces in new places, of which there are many, to find out which rookies don’t dress like their mom still lays out their clothes, and of course drop in on all the colorful, fashionably misguided personalities that grace this sacred space on a regular basis as we head into what will no doubt be a bumpy ride of a season.
Now as we dive into this debacle, let’s hope we don’t run into too many Daniel Jones-like tragedies (there’s definitely room for at least one) because — as well all know — throwing on your best 8th grade year field trip attire is akin to dunking on yourself. Not great!
So without further ado — whether it’s fire, fierce or a fail — let’s get this shit started with the pedal to the floor and some of that raw Ric Flair energy. Woooooo!
There were so many top-shelf names that opted to take their talents elsewhere — either through trade or free agency with the one commonality being severe unhappiness — so that feels like an appropriate place to start. Can’t recall any season in recent memory where we saw so much big-name movement.
'Every day is a new challenge'
— Patriots.com (@PATRIOTSdotCOM) August 26, 2020
Cam Newton is back and I seriously cannot contain myself. After playing just TWO games last season, the key component in triggering any and all lame media members and fans has triumphantly returned. I’m so ready for the 2020 Cam Newton-Bill Belichick Football Tour. I honestly hope he wears a fur coat that’s still alive and Crocs made out of LEGOs and Bubble Tape every single week just to piss people off. Welcome back, old friend.
One of the breakout shining stars from last season who often looked like a fierce rival that Tommy Shelby and the crew should not take lightly, the cold-blooded assassin known as CMC hasn’t missed a god damn beat. And now he’s using IG captions like “no sign of weakness, even in death” and wearing Bruce Lee shirts? It’s probably in your best interest to just surrender now.
Tom Brady spent the entire spring and summer acting like a giddy 11-year-old decorating his Buccaneers-themed bedroom while making sure everyone in the world knew he was having the time of his life at his new happy home in Tampa. Between Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, you could not escape Brady cracking jokes and generally gushing about this apparent all-smiles, life-after-Belichick rebirth. Sir Thomas has basically been channeling Andy Dufresne’s “soaking in the rain with his arms outstretched” vibe going on six months now. The dude’s even droppin’ jokes about his own hair, including that embarrassing man-bun of yesteryear. What the hell is happening?
Of all the haircuts throughout the years, my favorite one…is the next one! Thank you all for the bday wishes!! pic.twitter.com/bgmmkLVEvm
— Tom Brady (@TomBrady) August 3, 2020
This new and admittedly entertaining “Happy Tom Brady” transformation, coupled with the Florida sunshine should make for some outrageously vibrant fits all season long. But yeah, no bad blood at all between Tommy and The Bill. Nah. None. Nothing lingering whatsoever. Page turned.
GRONK’s “offseason” was very GRONK in that it was your typical, run of the mill, mundane routine. Really not much to see here, guys. Totally normal to wear a sleeveless jean jacket that features your nickname in giant block lettering and then make a run in the WWE and win the “24/7 Championship” belt.
Nope, nothing outside the box. Safe and boring attire is what to expect from this tamed NFL personality as we head into the season. But hopefully GRONK can find a way to the well and bring back some of that magnetic energy to entertain the masses as its clearly been lacking throughout the course of his one-year sabbatical.
I think it’s become pretty clear that anything and everything is what we’ve come to expect from DeAndre Hopkins, who doesn’t believe ceilings exist.
— Deandre Hopkins (@DeAndreHopkins) March 16, 2020
If D-Hop’s gonna be in this kind of “mood” after making his great escape from Bill O’Brien, we’re about to see some next level, brain-bending fits — even by his standards.
I see no dropoff coming from Lamar Jackson after spotting the heat on his feet. Those AJ III Animal Instincts look waaay better here than they did in the SNKRS release photos and… shit, sizes are still available. Stop robbing us blind, Nike.
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Most people lose a little luster when wearing a mask, and that’s completely understandable. It’s a fucking mask. Jimmy GQ, though? Nah. He leveled up. Some dudes were just meant to be king.
Patrick Mahomes spent his offseason reminding the league that he IS the league. This guy could be surrounded by 10 accountants and still have the swaggiest starting offense in the room.
If we’re being honest — and I know that’s a lot to ask — Tyrod Taylor is hands down the best-dressed player in the NFL and it’s not even particularly close. As some might say, Tyrod Taylor is a whole damn vibe. He looks like he should be doing a memorable scene with Don Cheadle, I just can’t figure out if that scene takes place in the 70s or in the future.
In the event that Tyrod Taylor slips up or has a few bad games — and he will — the Chargers can rest easy knowing they’ll be guided by rookie Justin Herbert and his flawless flow.
Yes, Stefon Diggs is wearing a “King of the World” Titanic shirt and a pair of yellow AJ IVs that match his… cell phone case. Of course! This is gonna make for quite the interesting marriage with the no frills, table-breaking, blackout-in-the-making #BillsMafia crowd.
Philips Rivers in a “Hoosiers” Hickory High short-sleeve hoodie is the most on-brand thing I’ve ever seen.
You have full approval to light me on fire RIGHT NOW.
Deshaun Watson wearing ripped up, patch-tiled jeans featuring the Grateful Dead dancing bears is the damning evidence we needed for anyone who ever said the Texans franchise QB had a limit. And with the bag officially secured — as seen below — to the tune of $160 million, I’m ready for Watson to go off this year and it starts with the Chiefs on Thursday night.
If you’re not rooting for Deshaun Watson at this point, there’s something fundamentally wrong with your boiled brain.
Deshaun Watson got emotional after his family crashed his press conference to celebrate his new extension 🥰
— ESPN (@espn) September 6, 2020
So we’re really doing this short-shorts shit, aren’t we? OBJ is rubbing off on this dude in the worst of ways.
UPDATE: Woah boy. Let us pray the shorts are as far as OBJ’s preferences go in terms of rubbing off on Baker.
Big Ben beard check ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/iFDAJ2p7dY
— SI Extra Mustard (@SI_ExtraMustard) March 21, 2020
Big Ben’s historic quarantine beard mop set a new standard for hostage video enthusiasts and his hair game gave a strong recharge to the Lloyd Christmas Fan Club, however I am devastated to announce he has since cleaned things up and seems to have a little bit of a hipster thing going on? At least by his standards, anyway.
This one isn’t exactly from over the summer but I just couldn’t help myself. The insane chunky chain that you probably have a few questions about was actually for a Snickers ad, but it’s a 100% lock he kept it and wears it on a regular basis. Plus, the fact that our boy Gardner tagged Don Johnson in the photo is hilarious and makes me appreciate his existence even more.
George Kittle has an enjoyable presence and is just a funny person in general, and he’s also funny when he’s not trying to be funny. It’s like when Elaine tells Jerry it’s impossible for him to not be funny. So even when Kittle is doing something nice and sincere, like in the photo below for teammate Arik Armstead’s foundation, how can you not laugh at his man-bun and that innocent look in his eyes like he just wants to go play with his wrestling figures? A kid at heart forever and I appreciate that.
— Armstead Academic Project (@ArmsteadProject) September 3, 2020
Now please enjoy George Kittle singing along to one of his favorite jams, “Sk8er Boi” by Avril Lavigne. Because of course he loves that song. The nonstop, 24/7 reality show that is George Kittle remains one of the most entertaining things in sports.
He was a sk8er boi she said watch @gkittle46 mic'd up later boi.
— San Francisco 49ers (@49ers) August 30, 2020
When the Chiefs got their Super Bowl rings, Travis Kelce showed up to Arrowhead Stadium in Louis Vuitton frames, some kind of Dior x Stussy shirt-shorts getup, and a pair of AJ1 Dior kicks that literally everyone wanted. Winning it all seems fun.
Yeah, safe to say Killa Trav’s had a pret-tay, pret-tay, pret-tay good offseason.
No, No, and Hell No. Nice outfit, ya’ dick.
NOTE: That’s actually a clean, great-looking jersey but Houston Astros slander is an indefinite requirement for true Americans. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
Russ always with the drip and of course his mask marries perfectly with the jacket, which — after taking a look at the color of the collar — screams Dallas Cowboys just a little too much for my taste.
A bulked-up Kyler Murray is another one on that Bruce Lee shit. Look the fuck out.
It only took until Aaron Rodgers’ 15th season in the NFL to find his fashion form — aka something other than an Old Navy button-down with a bacon-necked white undershirt — so congratulations for finally breaking down those walls, No. 12. But please, may I humbly suggest never using that #ChillVibes hashtag ever again? Like, ever. Thank you for your time.
As usual, shit is lit! Go get ’em again Matty Ice, you unrelenting savage!
— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) September 14, 2014
Speaking of lit, Drew Brees has been putting on a five-star fireworks show for about 20 years now. Rumor has it the future Hall of Famer might get a little crazy and wear a Nike Dri-FIT tennis polo to the podium this season and refuse to button it to the very top. Fucking wild.
JuJu Smith-Schuster’s dog Boujee has a big-ass chain that says Boujee, his own Instagram page, and even his own t-shirt line that JuJu has proudly put on display. Total scene-stealing legend.
Odell Beckham Jr.
This is telltale proof that nothing in this world could ever stop an Odell Beckham offseason from having an “I’m about to drop a fire track with Drake” photoshoot. Nothing. Although given that this next photo is captioned with “When ya momma hire a good photographer for ur senior pics,” he’s disarmed any kind of mockery by preemptively mocking himself. Chess move, complete with The People’s Eyebrow.
Simply put, you don’t get a nickname like Hollywood Brown and have an IG handle like “Primetime Jet” by accident. The charismatic Ravens WR is entering just his second year in the league yet carries himself like he has 3 Super Bowl rings and has been named First Team All-Pro for 10 straight seasons. Gotta love his natural stylin’ and profilin’ ways.
— New York Post (@nypost) September 2, 2020
Kirk Cousins taking on a rather dark, Ivan Drago-like approach means the door is wide open for some real fireworks at the podium this season. CAN’T. WAIT.
The fact that Jared Goff became an NFL quarterback and not a regular on the PGA Tour might be the biggest upset in sports that no one’s talking about. Jared is so GOLF is utterly ridiculous.
Daniel Jones has over 222k followers on Instagram and has done a grand total of nine posts, one of which is a video of him playing ping pong and partaking in a chipping competition — I swear I’m not kidding — with his friend named “Bates”. It does not get any whiter than this.
Men’s Romper SZN thankfully ended just in time for the NFL season. #BlessUp
In his mind, Joe Burrow believes he is set to star in the soon to be announced Invincible Too.
Bengal fans are crazy if they don’t think Joey freakin’ Burrow is about to go off and slaughter the rest of the rookie class.
Big mistake by Tua here. Never mix the iconic Adidas Trefoil logo with the newer crappy one. That’s a big no-no. Like someone wearing a Tua jersey tucked into khaki cargo shorts. Can’t happen.
As the kids say, Clyde’s stuntin’ on us with a pair of AJ1 Shattered Backboards, an orange matching hoodie and a platinum chain running underneath the hood. That’s the sign of someone who knows exactly what they’re doing. Already getting the sense Clyde will be a regular here.
OBJ 2.0? Sure as hell lookin’ like it and that is in no way meant to be a bad thing.
Death, taxes, and Kyle Rudolph showing out every single week.
Yes, to be specific it’s cognac velvet, sir.
The best part about Von Miller is he’s constantly evolving and changing shit up. This time he’s gone ahead and dyed his hair red and nicknamed himself “Von Elway.”
Chase Winovich’s highly anticipated country-rock-techno album releases next week.
Raiders HC Jon Gruden announced today that QB Marcus Mariota will be the team’s starter for Week 1 vs. the Carolina Panthers. Mariota signed a two year, $17.6 million contract to back up Derek Carr (so we thought). Now, Mariota gets another chance with a new team.
— Adam Schefter ➐ (@MrAdamSchefter) September 2, 2020
Marcus Mariota has already won the starting job, inexplicably it seems, which either says a whole lot about Derek Carr’s rapid fall to mediocrity or just how impressive Mariota has looked in camp. Leaning HARD towards for the former, but nonetheless since Mariota is The Guy in Vegas I see no reason why the former Titans QB shouldn’t be required to return to his imposing Narcos look from 2018. Now there’s a dude who’s ready to call all the shots, whether it be on a football field or in a secret bloody backroom of a casino.
Mustache and a tan suit in November.
Well done, Marcus Mariota. pic.twitter.com/Vil1BWzv4W
— Andrew Siciliano (@AndrewSiciliano) November 11, 2018
UPDATE: Marcus Mariota has been put on injured reserve with an undisclosed injury. Yeesh. That makes… *drumroll please* …NATHAN PETERMAN the No. 2 quarterback on this squad. Can I get a hell yeah!?!?
Every Charger in this photo has intercepted or will intercept Nathan Peterman today. pic.twitter.com/jnvTXVwgxQ
— SB Nation GIF (@SBNationGIF) November 19, 2017
How can anyone not love Teddy? That “Little Bear Teddy” hoodie he’s wearing there is the logo for a children’s book series set to be released that’s based on the NFL QB and his core values. Outstanding. Plus, he also likes Stranger Things. This endearing fella is bulletproof.
His handle is “StoneColdJones95” yet he’s wearing an nWo shirt. This is uncomfortable.
Kenny Stills is on another planet and I’d love to get a flight there.
All the people want is for this latest hairstyle from Zeke to remain intact until the end of time. It’s a simple ask.
Since that impossible-to-miss “99” chain looks huge even on Aaron Donald there’s not a doubt in the world it would look like one of Flava Flav’s clock necklaces on anyone else.
— Hester (@SeanHesterEsq) December 31, 2017
The media was killing Jameis Winston for basically low-balling himself into a 1-year deal with the Saints for just over a million, but I swear this is the first time I have ever seen him smile and style like this. Drew Brees and Sean Payton are certified wizards.
And again! Jameis 2.0 has finally arrived. Unfortunately, he’ll be holding a clipboard.
Emmanuel Sanders is drastically underrated on the Fire Fits Big Board. That’s a badass Laker jersey (scroll right to see the back) paired up with some clean “L.A. to Chicago” Jordans, but the truly tremendous move is wearing a gold Superman chain where the “S” clearly stands for Sanders.
Melvin Gordon, now a member of the Denver Broncos, going with the very subtle “PLEASE MOVE ON” t-shirt. Safe to say he’s very much over the Chargers and the team’s abundance of invisible fans.
The Kiefer Sutherland Lost Boys shirt is an A+ purchase, I just have one question: Is that “TNF” necklace some kind of bizarre tribute to Thursday Night Football? Or maybe those are just his favorite letters in the alphabet? Gotta keep all options on the table.
Andy Dalton changing his hair to match his team’s color like… pic.twitter.com/ujbP3vJUlY
— NFL Memes (@NFL_Memes) May 4, 2020
Couldn’t find much of anything to use for Dallas Cowboys new backup QB Andy Dalton, so we’re going with this and I think we really need to speak it into existence because it’s so good.
If you have the ability to look this smooth on a god damn golf course you’re probably used to owning the room upon entry. Additionally, it’s all but confirmed that every NFL player that matters owns a stack of Jordans taller than Tacko Fall.
So Todd Gurley signed with the Falcons after being released by the Rams and proceeded to spend his offseason doing a little fencing? Whatever works.
TIL Blake Bortles real name is Robby and I am shook pic.twitter.com/0Oy2IaXgws
— Alex Rollins (@AlexRollinsNFL) September 2, 2020
While the Jaguars have been busy getting rid of just about every single player from the 2018 team that reached the AFC Championship and nearly won it, Blake Bortles finds himself fittingly without a team and now we’ve learned his name is actually Robby Bortles?!? If and when he does get signed, he will be forever referred to as Robby Bortles. There’s no going back. He’s Robby Bortles.
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Howdy everyone, I’ve accepted the #ALLINCHALLENGE. Go to allinchallenge.com/nick-foles to participate in the auction & bid on me coming to speak at an event of your choosing to help feed the hungry during this challenging time. Also, Coach Matt Nagy, Doug Pederson and Frank Reich I challenge you to be ALL IN!
The freeze-frame here does a great job in summing up the electric factory that is Nick Foles.
ALL ABOARD THE MITCH TRUBISKY TRAIN @Mtrubisky10 named Chicago Bears Week 1 starter against the Detroit Lions.
LET'S RIDE pic.twitter.com/TZPTCtd466
— Clark and Ivy Sports (@ClarkandIvy) September 5, 2020
The only person smiling about Mitch Trubisky being named the Week 1 starter is Mitch Trubisky, who has posted on his Instagram page exactly once this entire year. So that’s either the sign of a deeply focused player determined to deliver or someone hiding from the inevitable shitstorm.
A very focused Robby Anderson stepping off of a jet is symbolism at its finest. The Panthers better take care of this guy though. He’s looking a little sheepish and who can blame him? However many seasons someone plays for the Jets, multiply it by 12 and that’ll give you a good idea of where their head’s at.
If Khalil Mack’s gonna wear a Bulls jersey it’s not gonna be some Jordan or Pippen bullshit, it’s gonna be a Khalil Mack jersey and that’s final.
Josh Allen wearing a t-shirt of Devin Singletary at his NFL Combine day is a significant improvement to anything Josh Allen has ever worn. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t talk shit about what the guy wears. He’s doing fine.
— Buffalo Rumblings (@BuffRumblings) August 29, 2020
Bills defensive tackle Ed Oliver was spotted riding a horse down the side of a road while Josh Allen cruised past him because everything in Buffalo is completely normal.
Time to up the ante, Devin White.
— DEVIN WHITE (@DevinWhite__40) November 29, 2018
Niners receiver Deebo Samuel is another one of those guys who can wear a ridiculous fluorescent green jacket and glowing pink sneakers that look like they hopped out of a video game and somehow still make it look like standard casualwear.
I guess one could say Frank Clark was lovin’ himself some Frank Clark this summer. Hope he knows a cease and desist letter from Cam’s fleet of lawyers will be arriving in approximately five minutes.
Something tells me Jalen Mills would have green hair even if he didn’t play for the Eagles. The guy flat-out loves green and very likely some other green not pictured. No clue as to what’s going on with those mini Travis Scott AJ1s on the hood — maybe it’s a keychain? — but the Off-White AJ IVs serve as an emphatic exclamation point to a loaded photo.
The man who calls himself the Green Goblin also has a green Lamborghini because why wouldn’t he?
Not a recent photo but it’s incredible and for sure a preview of what’s to come. This is some pimp shit right here.
Yup, Travis Homer wearing nine gold chains and sporting a “how ya’ like me now, gold teeth when I smile” look lands him on the official watch list heading into the season. #HoodyHoo
The simple addition of a neck gaiter is making Bill Belichick look like an unpredictable wildman. pic.twitter.com/uSc4qIpMsH
— Tim Ryan (@TheSportsHernia) August 24, 2020
Lots and lots of changes in New England this offseason.