I can all but guarantee this team lost. A team with a winning pedigree simply would not give the two biggest shithead mouth-breathers on the team the honor of dishing out the Gatorade bath. And sure you may accuse me of jumping to conclusions, but I’m using the plethora of information at my disposal. Anyone whose ever played a down of high school football knows that the alpha with chest hair who pulls the most tail has a vice grip on the team. He knows when you bitch out on a tackle, he knows when you don’t wear your jersey to school on Friday, and he sure as fuck isn’t going to let the bench warmers who rolled around in the mud on the sidelines to look like they got some PT deliver the Gatorade shower. Can’t bake the cake yourself, apply the icing yourself, and then let a couple rats blow out the candles.
But no one is to blame more than the coaches. They probably gathered their dogshit team around after yet another anemic performance, handed them all ice cream sandwiches and assured them that they were born winners. Welcome to 2015.
So hey, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em…
Congratulations to our own REBECCA MARTINSON for receiving this participation trophy after I wiped the floor with her in traffic for the month of October. CONGRATULATIONS, REBECCA for making it another day without dying!!
WATCH: Want to See the Force Awakens Before Everyone Else?