It was at this very moment that I realized despite the fact that Tom Brady is no longer in the AFC East to torture myself and all of the world’s New York Jets fans, I’m still going to outwardly root against the guy. And here I naively was, genuinely believing that I’d move on and leave my hate in the past like any regular well-adjusted adult. Old habits die hard, as they say.
It’s not that I necessarily think that Tom Brady is a bad guy or anything (although, the face-sucking witchcraft he pulled with his son a few years back still remains big-time weird), I just think he’s a fucking cornball. He also kicked the shit out of my Jets up-and-down both the field and the standings for the last two decades, so needless to say, I’m only just slightly biased in my opinion of “TB12” (another dumb nickname, might I add).
Still, my personal prejudice against Brady aside, we’re all in agreement that “Tompa Bay” is the dumbest fucking phrase you’ve ever heard, right? You’d have to scrape the bottom of WWE’s roster to find nicknames that embarrassing. The letters “ompa” in consecutive order automatically reminds me of those little orange buggers that were running around Willy Wonka’s factory, carrying out his intricate series of Rube Goldberg-esque candy-themed murders.
Perhaps worst of all, as ole Darren Rovell’s goofy ass points out, Brady appears to be making the trademark application specifically in spite of The Dan Patrick Show, which had been recently selling “Tompa Bay” shirts ever since the quarterback’s move to the NFC South became official.
Then again, Tom Brady is now officially a Florida Man, which means all preconceived notions about him are out the window. He could show up to training camp with a gold tooth, an eighth of Jim Bean and a samurai sword in his trunk for all we know.
Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Follow him on Twitter @eric_ital for movie and soccer takes or contact him firstname.lastname@example.org