Week 12 of the NFL season was one of those rare moments of the year where we collectively experienced victory before a single game began. Why? Because it marked the final Sunday of BYE Weeks. From here on out, everyone’s all-in and that’s a great thing. Even when it comes to the roaring dumpster fire that is the Cincinnati Bengals — who now sit at an embarrassing 0-11 — because who ISN’T rooting for an 0-16 season?
Just as it’s important to have a healthy number of top tier teams, it’s always crucial to have some very shitty ones too.
I must say, though, Andy has been sincerely missed ever since he was done dirty by being benched after the trade deadline. Just a thoughtless, thankless move by a hideous franchise that should probably just drape the world’s largest trash bag over its stadium and call it a day.
As for the aforementioned BYE Weeks, missing in action were the Cardinals, Chiefs, Chargers, and Vikings. So the obvious major losses were Stefon Diggs, the always unpredictable Kirk Cousins, a budding style star in Patrick Mahomes and, of course, the historically great Travis Kelce.
Thankfully, they’re all back next week.
Anyway, right now it’s time to discuss what we saw OFF the field, so let’s get on with this weekly circus act.
At long last, between the perfect shades, a great jacket that actually fits, and the Burberry scarf, Russ has finally delivered a look that says MOOD.
Phillip Lindsay could honestly play a drug dealer, pimp, or hitman in literally any movie that ever required one, and would do so in a flawless manner.
The multiple chains over the tie absolutely destroyed me. Try this move at your own peril.
Dak is every superhero’s chief villain and he’s clearly come to collect.
The inside of the jacket is what really takes this ensemble to the next level. I feel like this ruthless assassin could sprout wings at any second and just take off.
Oh wow, I guess it took a trip to the Bay (to get murdered) for Aaron Rodgers to finally give off the feel of loose and carefree and, gasp, possibly having fun with a teammate.
The photo also offers a great preview of Dan Vitale, a fullback that was made in a lab by doctors who strictly study fullbacks. You’ll see Dan later in the post.
The postgame version of Aaron Rodgers — 20/33 for 104 yards and sacked 5 times — was, uh, slightly different.
Almost feels like Rodgers was woken up in the middle of the night and taken down to the station for questioning.
Christian McCaffrey has been running a freakish clinic on and off the field lately.
Everything appears to be completely in sync right down to the bag and sneakers, and the laser-like focus is enough to make anyone understandably shit their pants.
Additionally, based on what you’re about to see below, the Crown for King of Mt. Fashion is officially up for grabs after all these years and CMC is right there at the front of the pack.
Woah, wait-wait-wait, WHAT? Not sure how this could be the chosen postgame attire of Tom Brady, weather be damned, but somehow it was.
Nonetheless, given this unforeseen, half-assed effort — the kind that Brady would typically frown upon — let’s go ahead and mock his pregame Inspector Gadget tribute with a look back at a similarly botched attempt in 2015.
As Newman once said to Jerry as he savagely ripped off the patch from his own mailman jacket, you’re a disgrace to the uniform:
The dramatic lighting is hilarious. Either they’re trying to hide some flaws or OBJ and Jarvis flat-out demanded that all pregame entrances feel like they’re walking into a club.
Also pictured: The glaring difference between a starting QB’s budget and a backup QB’s budget.
Although I’m pretty sure Garrett Gilbert doesn’t give a single shit about what he wears on Sunday. Just hold that clipboard and cash those checks, man. Best gig in the world.
Josh Allen often looks like a dude who’s beyond mesmerized by a viral tweet he’s being shown by a Bills staffer.
Perhaps I’m caught up in the moment, but a fierce DeAndre Hopkins is drippin’ here in what might be the leather jacket of the year. Outrageously good.
Christmas is right around the corner. Just sayin’.
Daniel Jones, as focused as ever, is reading the big board at Penn Station to determine — and confirm and reconfirm — which train he needs to take to get to mom and dad’s house for Thanksgiving.
Renowned t-shirt king Devin McCourty has done it once again, this time paying homage to Dwight Shrute, someone who embodies many of the same key traits that have made McCourty so successful and such a great leader in New England.
- Is there any reason whatsoever to EVER refer to Hollywood Brown as Marquise Brown? NO.
- Does anyone in the NFL wear better chains than Hollywood Brown? NO.
Impossible not to love this rookie.
OBJ & Jarvis Landry
Jarvis Landry absolutely feelin’ it here with the leather jacket and some slick Air Force 1s while OBJ is so layered up it’s hard not to think of a reluctant Randy from A Christmas Story.
You’d think it was snowing bowling balls the way Odell approached this one. Not great!
Never thought Mark “Come See Me” Ingram would be the type of guy to match the font on his t-shirt to the color of his bag, yet here we are. Details are important in every aspect of life though, including this instance. And if you have a problem with that, Come See Me.
As usual, Jacoby Brissett completely flips the script. One week, it’s a cowboy hat, the next it’s a black and white striped turtleneck that would make the Hamburglar proud.
Gotta appreciate the range in taste.
Colts defensive end and Jersey guy Al-Quadin Muhammad — shouts to Don Bosco Prep — is either destined to one day own the Playboy Mansion or just buy a ton of glamorous mansions across the country that offer nothing but silk and velvet blazers while topless women feed everyone grapes and bounce around an elaborate pool setting as if reality never existed.
Leonard Fournette looks like someone who just woke up in an outfit that he had no plans on wearing and is now filled with deep regret and startling self-reflection.
Based on the sleeves of the jacket alone, which rival the size of standard-issue clown pants, I can hardly blame the guy.
The freeze-frame of this video is hilarious. It’s as if young Samuel just got braces and happens to be a little gun shy about opening his mouth out of fear he’ll be ridiculed.
Ya’ gotta RELAX, Sammy.
An endlessly smooth Emmanuel Sanders out there walkin’ that walk like a dude who already knew the final score and wants to know where to party after the game.
Well, this is a little awkward. Jason Pierre-Paul, obviously impressed with what Zach Pascal wore for Thursday night’s Colts-Texans game, phoned his stylist and basically said, “gimme that sweater blanket thing that Pascal wore, just tweak it a little so it’s not exactly the same.”
Zach Pascal has played in all 11 games for the Colts this year and despite producing at a low rate he has a relatively absurd catch to touchdown ratio — 23 to 4?!? — and averages a very nice 15.8 yards a grab.
More importantly, Zach has quickly become an online influencer who now sets fashion trends for some of the league’s biggest stars.
Frank Gore is here because he’s Frank Gore, the guy who now sits ahead of Barry freakin’ Sanders on the all-time rushing list. If you don’t like Frank Gore, you don’t like football. Period.
Also, I very much like the chain. It adds the necessary sauce to an otherwise everyday outfit.
Von! Well, it’s about damn time, though sadly not his best work.
Having said that — cue Jerry and Larry banter — at a record of 3-8, I’d be wearing a mustard-stained hoodie and looking like a dude who’s so obviously in the Witness Protection Program that I’d actually be in great danger.
D. J. Chark
Fully admit I do not know a whole lot about Jags wide receiver D. J. Chark.
What I do know, however, is that a gold chain against a black turtleneck to go along with a black and gold watch AND a pair of black and gold Jordans is so unbelievably good I’m seething with jealousy.
This is a great example of getting visually dunked on.
It’s not always about dressing well, sometimes it’s also about branding too. And those Wingstop bags pair up perfectly with that suit and tie. Much like Bret Hart, this is excellence in execution.
It certainly goes without saying at this point but I’ll say it anyway:
You wear a sombrero, you win the prize.*
*There’s no actual prize other than praise. But that’s definitely something.
Deshaun Watson and Balenciaga are pretty much peanut-butter and jelly at this point, which is not meant to be a bad thing. Both sides are thriving in this marriage.
Steelers backup tight end Nick Vannett brings it every week but he always seems to be tucked away in some Instagram gallery so he can’t be featured.
However, Week 12 would prove to be different — as one can clearly see — and I’m nearly positive he’s the only tight end in the NFL who could double as a distinguished author about to do a book signing in Brooklyn and quietly take in the praise while intently making sure his signature is perfect each time.
The Texans Linebackers
Mortal Kombat?!? I can’t get enough of these Texans linebackers. They’re never NOT having fun and these guys are a creative group with the same 12-year-old maturity level as myself.
Amari Cooper (at bottom left) looks like a super-pissed, uppity version of Tariq from 50 Cent’s pride and joy, Power.
That is all.
Roy Robertson-Harris & Son
This is easily one of the cooler collaborations we’ve seen all season, I just wish either Roy wore matching pants or his kid wore jeans.
Regardless of that nitpicky note, this is tremendous and I wish more players would do the same thing.
Also worth noting: Roy’s son turned three in August and has already outdone most grown adults still desperately attempting to look fashionable.
I’ve rarely talked about Julio Jones and that’s probably because he looks like some random dude walking down the street and minding his own business in two shades of blue that are awkwardly battling one another.
Shit is just different in Miami, man. It’s a whole different planet and Dolphins wide receiver Albert Wilson has thankfully chosen to embrace that vibe to Lil Wayne-like levels. And then some.
T. Y. Hilton
The outfit is great, no question, but this is really all about the backpack and nothing else.
Sadly, despite the superb trolling effort, things did not go as planned this time around.
When one looks up “fullback” in the dictionary or online or really anywhere on earth, this should be the accompanying photo with very few words.
The visual does all the necessary driving. #MakeFullbacksGreatAgain
SPOILER ALERT: They’re already great again.
Laremy Tunsil stands at 6′ 5″ and weighs 315 pounds, so while I would normally mock an outfit like this, I love the hell out of it. Seeing enormous lineman making the effort and having the same kind of fun as guys like DeAndre — who fit into literally anything — is awesome.
Some Broncos Linemen
We’ve suddenly turned this thing into a celebration of linemen and I see no problem with that.
This crew is properly suited and booted by @GentsPlaybook, which is a refreshing departure from the standard “hoodie/random pair of pants/DGAF” look that we so often see from the big fellas.
It’s been impossible to avoid the Lakers this season and YES, it’s kinda sorta driving me batshit crazy.
Mimicking the art of the creepy “It” graphic on your hoodie? Well, that’s different.
RELATED: I really don’t wanna know what’s in Tahir Whitehead’s freezer. Ever.
Texans safety Jahleel Addae is wearing, from head to toe, EXACTLY what I would like to wear to Thanksgiving dinner.
What. A. Showman.
For a second I thought Charles Omenihu, a beastly rookie defensive end for the Texans, was LeBron James strolling into NRG Stadium. Very similar hairline, sunglasses, beard, and overall demeanor. Then I quickly realized it had to be Omenihu, mostly because he’s wearing jeans that actually touch his boots.
What a concept!
For a guy with 12 catches on the season and who wasn’t even active for the Niners-Packers game, Marquise Goodwin still strongly believes he’s the second coming of Jerry Rice. Or maybe even a higher being. Who knows, but this is amazing.
This is from October but kinda feel the need to mention that I would guess “cast member from A Million Little Things” before I eventually got to “OK, I dunno, maybe an NFL kicker?”
It’s as if Spaulding Smails and Jay Cutler had a son. Truly remarkable stuff.
I simply can’t and won’t get over Sam Darnold’s unmistakeable demeanor and dead stare into nowhere.
The Titans going with the rarely seen “Feet Fire” tweet.
It’s not visible without clicking on the tweet, but the caption of “Why is Ezekiel Elliott running with a full size Motel 6 bathroom towel tucked in his pants” was one of the funniest things said all weekend.
It’s also an exceptional, albeit risky, fashion statement.
On that ridiculous note, have a Happy Thanksgiving and save the neck for me, Clark.