Week 13 of the NFL season not only provided us with all teams on deck for the first time since September, but we were also treated to an awesome snow game from the Packers and Giants at MetLife Stadium, as well as several games in crappy weather which more often than not lead to Turnover City and fantasy football chaos. Wouldn’t have it any other way.
Amazing photo, cringe-worthy pun. Oh well, you can’t have it all.
Unfortunately, we were also treated to a possible 0-16 season being spoiled and soiled because the JETS will always be the JETS. On the bright side, there was a Cam Newton sighting for the first time in aaaaages. Gotta love seeing QB1 reaching out and staying connected with the community, not to mention Cam’s hair literally reaching new heights, taking him from an already towering 6’5 to at least 7’1.
Check out that festive hat! Man, what a loss it’s been on all fronts.
But that’s more than enough sentimentality for Week 13, so let’s go ahead and get to the weekly clown show we saw OFF the field.
The Browns played against the Steelers Z team and somehow still found a way to lose, so seeing Baker Mayfield dressed in disguise and looking like someone who just wants to blend in or simply not be noticed as Baker Mayfield made a ton of sense. Credit to him for seeing the incoming debacle before it happened. However, zero credit to him for going 18-of-32 for 196 yards and a TD and a pick. That’s never gonna get it done.
Steelers DB Cam Sutton wouldn’t normally be this high up in pecking order — although he did have a sack on Sunday — but following Baker felt pretty perfect given his game-specific choice in attire. Pittsburgh pissing all over Cleveland? You don’t say.
Well, Jarvis tried and that’s all that really counts.
Between the gray hat, the gray peacoat, the jeans that are basically gray, and the silver tinsel in his goatee, Aaron Rodgers has not only finally put it together after 12 strenuous weeks, he’s also in the holiday spirit. Two birds, one stone.
First things first: A freakin’ denim button-down? When exactly did Tom Brady begin consulting Kirk Cousins and Gardner Minshew on how to dress? You’re better than this, man. Or you lost a bet. Either way, cut the shit.
Secondly, and of much greater significance, is Sir Thomas dying his hair? He obviously got a haircut at some point between last Sunday and Week 13, as evidenced by the taper fade — and, well, the COLOR.
Here he is in Week 12:
Yup, we have a fresh coat of paint on our hands here guys, probably one that was accidentally a few shades too dark. Sad!
Check it out:
Case closed, investigation of the year OVER. Because that’s definitely not a problem with the color settings on the TV — many people were seeing and asking the same question — I just hope his stylist throws in a freebie for botching the color and turning this into a national crisis.
Good god! Steve Belichick showed up to a nationally televised prime time game looking like he’s the star hobbit in a new Lord of the Rings side story that strangely takes place in Mobile, Alabama. As Bomani Jones said, imagine your dad getting you a job at his office and rolling into work with a haircut like this? The Patriots need to take a long, good look in the mirror. Literally.
We’re on a roll here with random Patriots-related shit so why stop now? This hardly feels like a photo of an NFL player getting ready to play on Sunday and feels a helluva lot more like an on-location shot from a European interpretation of Grease that appears to be poorly executed. Welcome to the fun, Kai!
George Kittle with a “HOT BOYZZ” hoodie and what appears to be a Man-Bun?1? This dude is as unpredictable as it gets.
Confirmed: Yes, that’s a Man-Bun. It’s completely outta hand, yet for some reason it’s perfect. Have no idea why, it just is.
What better way to followup George Kittle than with a double dose of the always surprising Travis Kelce? Since he doesn’t post on Instagram nearly as much as he used to, we’ll take it when we can get it.
One can really never go wrong with the t-shirt/blazer look, especially when it’s a Smiths shirt, and those are perfect glasses for the charismatic tight end who partakes in a weekly wrestling belt battle with Kittle. Without even looking at the Chiefs-Raiders box score I’m almost certain Kelce took home the belt this week since Kittle was impressively held to two catches for 17 yards.
In keeping with the tight end streak, no big man in the NFL does it better and with such stylish consistency than Kyle Rudolph. Notre Dame isn’t just a football factory that creates prototype tight ends, it’s an out-class-you factory. And yes, I’m well aware of how hateable that sentence is, and I LIKE it.
Garnder Minshew is back! I went ahead and took the liberty of using his most recent post on Instagram as a way of celebrating his return to the field as well as his ELITE sense of fashion. It’ll be weeks before I finally process the existence of that stonewashed Jags button-down. Just unbelievable.
Flawless execution with this getup. Jimmy GQ should really consider starting a YouTube tutorial series that focuses on what it takes to become a world-class beard trimmer.
This post will be updated once the Seahawks put up pregame and/or postgame photos, but can we talk about this Russ & Ciara as “Jay & Bey” Halloween shot for a second? Not sure how it never came across my feed when it was originally posted, but I kinda feel like Russ should be working his Halloween concepts into his regular rotation, for better or worse.
UPDATE: It’s almost as if Russ just discovered the very same Halloween photo that I just discovered — even though he’s in said photo — and finds himself in awe to the point he’s been shaken to the core, much like myself. Sadly, Russ didn’t tag a single brand in his post so we’re all left standing around like empty idiots with empty bags, aimlessly wandering the unknown trying to figure out where in the living hell he got those sensational sunglasses.
We’re 13 weeks into the season and I remain astounded that Daniel Jones is a carbon copy of Eli Manning. Same preppy outfits, same safe haircut, same lack of enthusiasm, same ability to incessantly turn the ball over. Same EVERYTHING. It’s awesome.
Dan Vitale might be straying just a little too far from his signature fullback look, although the mustache thankfully swopped in to save the day. But I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for fullbacks to style their hair in any capacity, so for the love of god please stop breaking the law, Dan, and throw on that MAKE FULLBACKS GREAT AGAIN hat so as to put us all at ease.
Straight up, Derrick Henry is a fucking boss. And I too would be glaring at the camera like I own the entire world if I were wearing such a crowd-pleasing coat.
There’s nothing about this ensemble that ISN’T downright glorious, yet all I can focus on is the mustache. Legendary mustachioed pitcher Rollie Fingers either just lept off his couch with great enthusiasm or scurried off to his secret Mustache Laboratory to put a little extra shine on those finely tuned curls.
As always, Phillip Lindsay sporting some of the best hair in the game to go along with a Broncos-themed color scheme from head to toe. Brilliant.
If gamblers were able to see that this was Josh Allen before the Cowboys-Bills game there’s no doubt they would’ve unloaded the clip on Buffalo, and been wise to do so. Josh Allen and swagger no longer feels like a foreign concept.
It’s all Gucci mayyyyyne, literally and figuratively, after annihilating the Raiders 40-9.
Tyler Lockett & David Moore
It really is a special time of year, with a wildly bold emphasis on “special.” Seriously though, Tyler Lockett was born in Oklahoma and David Moore was born in Texas and the Seahawks won in Philly last week, so if anyone expects me to understand what’s happening here, you’ve unfortunately arrived at a tremendously shitty information booth.
This week we got the first edition of Casual Christian McCaffrey and it’s definitely working, thanks in part to those Fear Of God Nikes. This is also the look of a guy who just hopped out of a Mercedes with all the upgrades and then some.
Not sure what I’m thrown off most by this random collaboration of clothing items. Probably the shoes. Yes, it’s the shoes. But that ace of hearts shirt is a keeper.
Kenny Stills looks like he’s about to meet Anna Wintour for brunch to discuss his favorite bathrobes and his prized collection of dragon blood body oil.
What can I say, Jalen Mills doesn’t give a shit that it’s December and absolutely murdered the moment in a convincing manner, hammering home the look with a pair of Orange Pulse Fear Of God kicks.
Dak opting to go with powder blue was a fine choice and brought back fond memories of the Houston Oilers and those immaculate unis.
I can’t keep up with whether it’s Mitch or Mitchell, but based on his play this season I’m going with Mitchell. An exceedingly blinding Mitchell. Jesus christ man, turn that shit down a notch or three.
Look at this freakin’ suit, as it must be examined closer than what we have in the above tweet:
Uh yeah, NO. Don’t do this again.
Beau Allen could easily be mistaken for a retired professional wrestler who got out early enough to keep his brain intact and is now thriving as a powerful real estate mogul in Vegas.
When you order a jean jacket online and convince yourself that it fits to justify the purchase.
Deshaun has clearly learned all the tricks of the trade from DeAndre and is reaching a level where he can do no wrong.
Aaron Jones and his beloved sombreros are the perfect change of pace amidst all of this overly done highbrow fashion. Make sure to scroll over in the gallery above to see his Speedy Gonzalez backpack.
Zeke stepping out of his Cowboys-branded ride in an outfit that matches said ride is just beastly execution.
The royal blue velvet is an extra kind of special. But nope, that’s it, that’s the commentary.
Ted Ginn Jr.
Tedd Ginn Jr. is the uncle who insists that the party go on forever. And ever. Very troubling.
This is from the LSU game on Saturday, but if you wear an amazing Dennis Rodman shirt you are 100% guaranteed to be included here. Outstanding.
Amari Cooper looking like a movie star BEFORE the game compared to Amari Cooper looking like a deflated fan AFTER the game is the Dallas Cowboys season in a nutshell. Hate to see it.
Jacoby Brissett rockin’ the Red October Yeezys. Enough said.
Dalvin Cook looks no taller than Muggsy Bogues in every picture I’ve ever seen of him, though somehow he stands at 5’10. Nonetheless, that gold No. 33 chain glowing off his chest against the black shirt was a nice touch.
A fashion FORCE not to be reckoned with, just like big bro J.J.
It doesn’t matter what you end up doing on the field, the bottom line is that if you wear a Mighty Ducks jersey you always walk away a winner.
Random thought, but imagine being a waiter and taking an order from this man? Screw up one thing and your life is hanging in the balance. There’s something about that stoic death stare that sends chills right down the spine.
“You may think I’m dead on the inside and perhaps the outside too, but I’m very much alive. We’re on to Kansas City.”
Duly noted, Lord Belichick.
This whole thing is an entire MOOD and I’m here for it. Tone-setting shades like the ones we have here and that we’ve seen on many others simply aren’t appreciated enough.
Don’t even get me started on these pants but what I really can’t believe is that Tyrod Taylor stole Robert DeNiro’s cinder block shoes from the set of The Irishman. Unkind!
Andy Dalton returned to the field on Sunday and there was not one fan in the building more up for the special occasion than his overexcited hair. Lookin’ sharp there, Andy. Welcome back.
Matt Ryan (And Trae Young)
While Matt Ryan looks especially great in this shot, we’re here to talk about how cool Trae Young is. What an improbable duo.
Where’s the fire emoji? Because Drew Brees doesn’t sell the steak, he sells the SIZZLE.
Malcolm Jenkins always makes it count without going over the top and carries himself like he knows damn well he’s as smooth as they come.
The Texans Linebackers
Vince McMahon, Triple H, Roman Reigns and the rest of the founding members of The Shield would like a word, guys.
Colts defensive end Al-Quadin Muhammad might be the most entertaining NFL diva that no one ever talks about. Dude’s been flat-out ridiculous on a consistent basis.
Exhibit A: Al-Quadin’s touching Hugh Hefner tribute from last week.
Exhibit B: His “Roaming the desert in Star Wars meets Hipster Utopia” ensemble from the week before.
Something for Cole’s Suggestion Box: Do your forehead a favor and bump your helmet up to the next size.
Imagine criticizing what Ndamukong Suh decided to wear? I can’t. I won’t. And in this case, there’s nothing to mock anyway. The dude is commanding the room and looking extra stylish with an exceptional t-shirt choice.
Titans safety Kenny Vaccaro in a cheetah coat and Jordan 1s by the Shoe Surgeon?
Game. Set. Match.
Ty Summers & Blake Martinez
If someone were to tell me the Packers linebacking duo of Ty Summers and Blake Martinez have had a share house at the Jersey shore every summer since turning 21, I would 1,000,000% believe it without any hesitation whatsoever.
The bare-bones budget approach is often the best approach as evidenced by Joe Looney in the greatest ugly Christmas sweater these eyes have ever seen.
Texans safety Jahleel Addae might have just clinched the award for shades of the year. Outrageously good.
A colossal mistake by Rodney McLeod in choosing to keep his sunglasses in his jacket pocket. He ALMOST had it, which is very symbolic of the Eagles season.
Another delightful father-son pairing, this time in burgundy velvet double-breasted suits. Incredible.
Bears wide receiver Anthony Miller slaying it here with the jacket and Jordans pairing along with a handful of fries to keep it real.
Scariest beard on the planet and it’s not even close. That thing could sweep a large dining hall spotless in less than 15 seconds.
Legendary Jets defensive back Arthur Maulet is here solely because he’s wearing a gold “HUMBLE” chain and that kind of self-awareness is very refreshing to see considering the vaunted J-E-T-S defense gave up 22 points to the Bengals, who entered the game with a record of 0-10. #StayHumble
Of course this is the Bears punter. There’s no way anyone with 3+ brain cells sees this photo on the Bears official Instagram page and doesn’t think “definitely the punter.” I’d be less than shocked to learn that Patrick works at Goldman Sachs during the offseason.
Scratch that, this walking Wall Street cliche probably runs his own scheming hedge fund year-round and shows mercy for no one, including himself.
Another week, another healthy scratch in the books for Niners receiver Marquise Goodwin, but the man certainly doesn’t mail it in when it comes to travel wear. An old school 49ers Starter jacket and Red October Yeezys is top-shelf comfort.
We’ll round out this week’s installment properly with Haason Reddick’s excellent #SaluteToService tribute to the legendary Pat Tillman.
To the surprise of no one, Michael Thomas can do no wrong.
Fast food chicken cleats, because of course!