You didn’t see a minute of Raw last night because of Monday Night Football. All is forgiven.
There’s no need to go back and watch the Season Premiere of Raw (though it was one of the better episodes in weeks) because here’s the ten most important moments from the show.
A 43-Year-Old Man Jumped Off The Top Of A Steel Cage
The preceding moment brought to you by DDP yoga and a major set of balls. Look, tons of guys have swan dived off the top of twenty feet of steel but Jericho isn’t a young buck anymore. Double props to Best In The World At What He Does for giving the “eh, what the fuck” shoulder shrug before tossing his dancer’s body into the air and straight down on Husky Wyatt.
Here’s The Same Moment In a Handy GIF
Nikolai Volkoff Is Still Terrible At Singing After All These Years
Even Jerry Springer Couldn’t Make The Bella Twins Entertaining
Springer has to have enough coin in the bank to stop doing this stuff right? His thumbs up on the gurney and coy smile in this interview makes it obvious his bank account just got a nice little bump in the credit slot.
A Bunny Nailed Titus O’Neill With a Top Rope Splash
And sold it better than most superstars on the roster. Yes, it’s supposed to hurt the stomach for the guy coming off the top as it does the guy flat backed on the mat. Nicely played, Bunny.
John Cena Can’t Beat Brock Lesnar So…
…he threatens to beat up his manager. Makes sense. Remember that time the 49ers couldn’t beat the Seahawks so they confronted Seahawks coach Pete Carroll at a tanning salon?
NXT Champion Adrian Neville stole Raw
NXT stars Tyson Kidd and Tyler Breeze took on Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn and NXT Champion Neville ended the match with a sick Corkscrew Shooting Star Press for the win.
This Reaction To Neville’s Finisher
Well, We’ve Already Got The Cage and Everything
WWE Unwritten Rule #452 — If a cage match is on the card or show, and the match occurs in the first half of the show, the cage MUST BE USED AGAIN later in the night. Corporate Kane, Orton and Rollins trap Roman Reigns in the cage with the help of about 10-15 ring guys who shut the ring in place.
How does that happen? How do heels convince a group of WWE workers to lower a cage to trap another wrestler inside? Does Kane threaten to pink slip anyone who doesn’t help with the ring? It’s like convincing a bunch of Amtrack workers to assist in tying a woman to the tracks.
And An Extra Bonus…Seth Rollins Almost Got Stabbed