Two Penn State Girls Are Now Wanted By Police After Stealing A Bro’s Lacoste Shoes After A Party

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State College, Pennsylvania is a magical place during the month of October. Everyone is firmly settled into their fall semester routines. Parties go harder. The social options on any given Saturday night at Penn State in October are endless: Host a party? Bounce between five other parties? Bars? Whether it’s apartment parties or a fraternity’s “are you on the list?” throwdown, there are no shortage of places to get turnt up.

These two girls had what was probably a pretty routine Saturday at Penn State: Tailgate (… at a house downtown, not in the parking lot like an old person), maybe go to the game (probably not, though), recharge for a few hours by crushing some Jimmy John’s or Pita Pit, start pre-gaming with Kings Cup around 8PM, jump on the White Loop to hit up a friend of a friend’s apartment party on Beaver Avenue, drink heavily and be ridiculous in the company of your college age peers.

When they left the apartment party, however, an object of desire caught their eye: A white pair of Lacoste sneakers, sitting in the hallway by a neighbor’s door. Thinking it’d be a hilarious story to tell their friends waiting in line for a slice of Canyon Pizza, they swiped the kicks.

Except — oops! — the rightful owner of said pair of shoes *didn’t* think it was a hilarious story and actually called the cops. All the cops had to do is look at the security camera footage in the hallway to figure out the perpetrators of said crime. What a buzzkill!

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Here’s the official report:

On Saturday, September 19, 2015, State College Police were called to 255 East Beaver Avenue where a victim reported that his Lacoste brand suede shoes were stolen. He took off the shoes to enter his apartment briefly and when he returned a few minutes later, they were gone from the hallway.

Upon review of surveillance footage, 2 females are seen leaving a party from a neighboring apartment around 1:00am and taking the shoes before leaving the building. The first white female has long blonde hair, was wearing khaki shorts, a blue tank top and tan flat shoes. The second white female has long brown hair, was wearing denim shorts, a long sleeved grey shirt and white sneakers.

That description accurately describes 80% of all girls at Penn State. If this happened in December, the police report would read “both females were wearing Ugg boots, yoga pants, and a North Face fleece.”

College kids love stealing random shit when they’re drunk. That said, it cracks me up that the State College PD are actually investigating this. I respect that. A few years ago we were invited to throw up a pop-up canopy with the BroBible logo at a party on Pugh Street. So we did! Naturally, it was stolen at some point in the evening. Even more brazen, however, was how the dicks who stole it started taunting us about it on Twitter the next day. The person who brought the canopy even complained to a cop. The cop just gave him a one of our a “well, shit happens!” type of answer. Pretty sure some Penn State kids stole a BroBible banner with our original logo at a Delta Chi tailgate around 2010 too. I imagine that banner hung in an apartment or house for years as a prized wall piece.

Oh well. In both those incidents, we chalked it up to a loss without getting the authorities involved. At the end of the day, it’s just a tent and a banner for a publishing start-up. I think we went through five banners in similar circumstances that fall.

But these girls? Hope their dads know some good lawyers.