5 Spring Break Destinations To Help Prevent You From Turning Into A Basic Bitch

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Do you really want to end up in Panama City, Florida again for this spring break? You’re probably thinking “Hell yeah I do, why wouldn’t I?” You have a point. You’ve had lots of fun there already. Let’s see if I can’t change your mind and get you to consider something a little different.

Yes, Panama City and Cancun are likely the destination on every other one of your college buddies’ minds right now, but do you want to come home with the exact same stories as last year? I’m sure your friends loved hearing how you “got so wasted you forgot which room was yours” and spent 4 days of your vacation “almost closing with this Maxim model.”

It’s time to try something different.

 

1. Oranjestad, Aruba
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We’re starting the list off strong, since this is where I will be spending Spring Break 2015. This small island off the coast of Venezuela has an average temperature of 81ºF in March and measures only 70² miles. Its beautiful Caribbean beaches are hard to beat and the entertainment district’s casinos and nightclubs are always bumping. Aruba also accepts American currency so chalk up another point there. More importantly, unlike Mexico or Cuba their food is actually edible and won’t give you the shits. If that didn’t convince you, you’re either stubborn or anorexic.

There are two beaches in Aruba targeted at singles: Palm Beach and Eagle Beach. Palm Beach is where the real parties happen; high rise hotels, beach bars, 3 different casinos, a shopping district, and water sports for those of you think you will be sober enough to retain your motor skills. Eagle Beach on the other hand is for the more reserved of you, those that prefer low-rise hotels and would rather visit turtle sanctuaries than hit up the nightclubs. So yeah, I’ll see you in Palm Beach.

 

2. Cayo Coco, Cuba
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I spent my high school senior year spring break here with 81 of my classmates. The food is shit, you can’t drink the water and you definitely can’t leave the resort but somehow this was the best vacation I’ve ever been on. The maids here are all super cool and you don’t feel pressured to leave them toys or clothes for their kids like in some other parts of Cuba. One day our room was a huge mess so they left our new towels in the shape of a penis instead of a swan. Cigarettes cost less than the lighters and if you don’t fancy the cheap Mexican beer they have rum punch on tap. One of the downsides to Cuba is the major poverty but at least the island of Cayo Coco is entirely based around tourism so most of it is hidden. If you end up picking this as your destination, you’ve got to check out the Batcave Nightclub. Picture a club inside of a bat cave complete with bars, a DJ and a stage. Another upside to Cuba is that it’s almost impossible to find a place that isn’t all-inclusive.

 

3. Ibiza, Spain
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Ibiza is typically more of a summer destination so it’s definitely not going to be as warm as the past two places but it deserves a spot on the list nonetheless. While the milder climate means you’re not going to be frolicking in the Mediterranean Sea it also means you’re not going to be sweating through that new polo your girlfriend bought you because you told her you were going to Napa with your godparents. Ibiza is the fucking club life capital of the world. Las Vegas needs to pay its DJs half a million dollars just to get them to leave this island. Ibiza is like Las Vegas on steroids; if dance music is your scene you’re missing out by going anywhere else. Can you tell that just talking about Ibiza gives me a half-chub? If this is the kind of place you picture yourself at you better get mommy and daddy’s credit card ready because renting a private boat charter is definitely not cheap.

 

4. New Orleans, Louisiana
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This is another destination off the beaten path because it isn’t technically on an ocean. New Orleans is a great choice if nightlife is the only thing on your mind, especially if your spring break happens to be the week of Mardi Gras. In fact, if you’re so fortunate as to have spring break the week of Mardi Gras you shouldn’t even be consulting this list. If you Google “New Orleans nightlife” and click maps you’re going to get something that looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. There are literally too many bars too make sense of until you get there so your best bet is buying a return ticket and hoping you’ll be sober enough to get back to the airport at the end of the week.

 

5. Mt. Tremblant, Quebec
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Don’t freak out, I’m aware that this place is neither warm nor has a large body of water within 200 miles but it is definitely something you should consider. This winter wonderland is absolutely packed with college kids during spring break. The village is like a giant party full of kids who got too drunk before noon to hit the slopes and the hills are full of girls drooling over your (hopefully existent) park skills. At night after you’ve relaxed in the saunas and spas you hit the bars and clubs, which don’t close until 3am (for the record, that’s later than the rest of Canada). This is a great vacation choice if for some reason you’re limited to a few days instead of an entire Spring Break as most people only stay for the weekend and head home. Also, big points here, legal drinking age is 18.

 

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