Good for Cheetos. They needed something new. Sure, they made some waves as the de facto erotic snack for ASMR videos. But really, this is a brand that needed a face lift. Most gas station food brands will do this by offering some hot new twist on the original: Reese’s will drop a cup the size of a shower head, fill it with tiny reese’s pieces, and hand you a fork for the world’s saddest Thanksgiving dessert. Doritos turns their bag into a laser tag jersey… I don’t know; I eat hummus.
Point is, I know that cheeto dust is a major talking point among the sort of people who read sparingly. Debates have raged for decades about the proper nomenclature for the orange residue that will leave a traceable fingerprint on the display case of any DVD player you’re trying to steal. The debate ends today thanks to the brass at Frito-Lay, who are responsible for more lost feet than frostbite.
NY Post– The dusty-cheese byproduct of eating Cheetos that consumers, for decades, have sometimes described as “Cheetos fingers” (a description that even has its own Instagram hashtag) now has an official term: Cheetle.
Wonder how Don Cheadle feels about that. Cheetle is pretty simple. Feels like they missed some golden orange opportunities here. Off the top of my head, I might have pitched pumpkin spice, ginger linger, and firecrotch dandruff. But maybe I’m bringing my own nightmarish middle school memories into frame there. Luckily, the fun didn’t stop there…
“We’ve seen the way Cheetos lovers don their red- and orange-dusted fingers like a badge of honor and we’re always looking for ways to help them step up their snacking game,” said Brandi Ray, senior director of marketing, Frito-Lay North America.
Ah, the old cheetle glove of honor. I’ve seen it many a time. Of course, in the times that I’ve eaten Cheetos, I’ve always made sure to lick my fingers clean ASAP to remove any sign of the shameful shit I just stuffed in my mouth. But if you want to wear it on your hand, loud and proud, to let people know you’re ok alone? Go for it!
Here’s to Cheetle, first of its name, ruler of the twitch audience. Long may it stain.