Welcome to another installment of dads making jokes on the internet while slowly losing their minds.
I’m your host, Chris, a dad making jokes on the internet while slowly losing his mind.
Before we get to the tweets and memes, I want to explain an issue I’m having with music in the background while I’m working.
I get distracted incredibly easily BUT I also need some type of background noise when I work because silence is ALSO a distraction.
I usually settle on Spotify playlists usually called Deep Focus or Low Fi Beats or Sounds From That Expensive Coffee Shop You Never Go In Unless You’ve Got No Choice.
Today, I found one called Peaceful Guitar but it sounds very much like a person playing guitar on a beach or at a resort and now I’m mad that I’m not on vacation. I’m home in the same sweatpants I’ve been wearing for the last three days and haven’t left the state in nine months.
The guitar isn’t making things very peaceful around here. If anything, I’m more pissed off than usual.
I switched over to the death metal station.
Here are other dads going through some sh*t.
My son just told me that he LOVES the new toy trucks they got at daycare. They are his toy trucks. We donated them because he refused to play with them.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 26, 2021
I am not a 'large' i am a 'quarantine medium', please adjust your clothing labels
— Your Sole Nate ☕️ 🧙♂️ (@perlhack) March 25, 2021
Just overheard the phrase, "pregnant with a baby," and secretly wondered what the other options were
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) March 25, 2021
Have kids so you can argue about things like whether or not it is actually raining.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 26, 2021
When I see someone my age out past 10PM I know they also took a nap earlier in the day.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) March 24, 2021
My son couldn't finish his nachos so….. he…. he just…. HE JUST THREW THEM AWAY
I…. I'm going to need a minute here
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 23, 2021
Before kids: *Slow sips of wine in the bath*
After kids: *Rage drinking morning coffee in the shower*
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 26, 2021
We're out of oreos and coffee. How did my wife let this happen
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 25, 2021
One important rite of passage as a parent is introducing your kids to a favorite childhood show, then realizing it’s complete crap
— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) March 26, 2021
Cranked a rival dad’s push mower on the first pull right in front of his wife and kids.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 26, 2021
Know a dad who needs to be included next time? Let me know in the comments.