There are only a few men in this world who I can catch my girlfriend doing the No Pants Dance with and be like, ‘I get it.’ Might even grab a camera or slap an ass cheek if I’m feeling extra beta. Tom Brady, Morgan Freeman, and Keanu Reeves immediately come to mind.
Keanu may be the one on the list that I’d be actually excited to be eskimo brothers with. Wouldn’t hesitate to grab his undies off the floor and have him sign them for me.
If you think that’s weird, it is. But the dude is just too cool. We’re talking about the guy whose name literally means “cool breeze over the mountains” in Hawaiian. The guy who provided a chunk of the profits from The Matrix sequels to the crew, and when asked about it, became annoyed anyone found out (“I’d rather people didn’t know that. It was a private transaction. It was something I could afford to do, a worthwhile thing to do,” he said.) The dude who helped passengers with flight arrangements after his plane had to make an emergency landing. The guy who nearly brought America to its knees with his take on what happens when we die. John FUCKING Wick, folks.
In a recent Q&A, the 54-year-old described himself as a “boring guy” who doesn’t go out much or “really do anything.” He was asked out of left field what love means to him, giving the following response:
You mean romantic love? You know, I’m the lonely guy. I don’t have anyone in my life. But if it does occur, I would respect and love the other person; hopefully it’ll happen for me.
That is tragic. We live in world where death row inmates find love and get married, and an American icon can’t find it for himself. We know you would love and respect that person, Keanu Reeves, just like you would my girlfriend. Or my mom. Take your pick.
Reeves was asked if he was content with being a lonely guy, to which he reverted back into his private self.
I don’t concern myself with it that much. I’m an actor, so in terms of what you’re asking about, I have no answer.
Keanu has been through his fair share of heartbreak in his life.
In 1999, his then-girlfriend Jennifer Syme gave birth to a stillborn child, and the devastation of the loss derailed the couple and lead to a breakup. Two years later, Jennifer died in an awful car crash after Marilyn Manson reportedly provided her with cocaine and encouraged her to drive while under the influence.
Keanu has been very quiet on the relationship front since, but in light of Charlize Theron claiming she’s “shockingly available” and has been “single for years,” the internet has begun to connect the dots.
They should totally have sexual intercourse.