New Jersey Cops Awarded $2.45 Million For Decade-Long Harassment With ‘Big Blue’ Dildo–And There’s Video Evidence


In no way, shape or form would I ever advocate for the harassment of anyone.

Now that we got that out of the way, if there’s a six-figure payday at the end of the rainbow, please feel free to torment me with a giant dildo for a decade. Use me as your piñata.

According to the New York Post, five New Jersey law enforcement officers and a part-time employee were awarded a $2,450,000 settlement to be split amongst them for enduring a 10-year harassment campaign at the hands of a massive, floppy sex toy.

The six employees of Mountainside Police Department, a small department of fewer than two dozen cops, alleged police brass and municipal officials allowed the “harassing, inappropriate and illegal conduct” by a dildo they called “Big Blue.”

The employees claim that internal affairs officer Andrew Huber would torture them on a daily basis.

“Huber would [wave] around Big Blue, throw it within the Detective Bureau, and throw it at people walking past the Detective Bureau,” the complaint reads.

In one instance, Huber hit a dispatcher in the face with the sex toy, as Officer Thomas Murphy filmed the incident and teased the man, saying, “What’s it smell like?” and “I hope it doesn’t smell like what I think it smells like,” the complaint reads.

Omg there’s video footage. Don’t laugh.

The dildo badgering got so bad that police brass brought in an attorney to try to explain to everyone that what they are doing has legal ramifications, but Huber became incensed with the training and walked out of the room.

Huber’s dildo antics were just one of his greatest hits.

Many of the allegations are against Detective Sgt. Andrew Huber, who is described as often walking around naked in the restroom, throwing feces-smeared tissues at co-workers, placing his testicles on unsuspecting colleagues’ food… [via NJ1015]

Lt. Thomas Murphy, the department’s second in command, was no choir boy either.

“Murphy had a practice of taking his flashlight and ramming it into the anus area of other male officers while at police headquarters,” the lawsuit says, adding that James Urban, one of the lawsuit plaintiffs, was once hit “so hard that it hurt for Urban to sit down.”

The suit resulted in the resignations of Huber and Chief Allan Attanasio, with state records showing that the two had not been paid their pensions. 

Not so funny when the rabbit’s got the gun dildo.

The $2.45 million suit will be paid out of municipality insurance and winds up being over $408,000 per dildo victim.

P.S. Is the Mountainside Police Department the most boneheaded department in the nation? If you think not, why don’t you read about this retired MPD Sergeant who just this week is suspected of drunk driving and killing a runner.

And we give these dudes guns. SMH.

[h/t The New York Post]


BroBible Newsletter - The best sports and culture news directly to your inbox

* indicates required