Would You Leave Your Child Alone With Someone Who Enjoys A Peanut Butter-And-Mayo Sandwich?


The correct answer is no.

This should not even be a question posed to a civilized society.

But people on the internet are divided about the merit of the sandwich that is being dubbed by USA Today as a “Southern staple.” An editor at The Takeout had the journalistic gall to run the headline ‘The suprisingly pleasant combo of peanut butter-and-mayo sandwiches.‘ Garden & Gun initially sparked the debate in a 2015 article titled  A Forgotten Southern Sandwich, which claims this ghastly sandwich was born out of necessity for those struggling through the Depression and looking for a combination of protein and fat.

When I was told that Elvis’ favorite sandwich was a peanut butter, mayo, and banana one, I burned all of my grandfather’s Elvis memorabilia he spent a lifetime pouring his soul into collecting. Can’t have my ancestors supporting a sociopath.

Now This reports that this insult to humanity used to be as popular as the iconic PB&J sandwich, a human food.

Maybe they’re delicious, I don’t know. And unless I’m tied to a chair staring in the face of Hannibal Lector, I will never try one. I will defer to people on the interwebs. Lets see if there’s any hope in saving humanity:

^Put this man in a straight jacket immediately.

Please be nice to the man who sat alone at lunch.

Where my sane people at?!

Just reinforcing my belief that only half the of-age population should be able to vote. If you or a loved one has stooped so low to try one of these satanic sandwiches, please let me know, and I will personally slap the stupid out of you. Kindly, of course.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.