Who Looks Sadder: Alex Rodriguez Dining Alone Or Ben Affleck Leaving J-Lo’s House?

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Far be it for me to pretend to understand the stresses of dating someone as prominent as J-Lo, I get insecure when my wife sees me shirtless and she’s a florist.

The task of providing for a woman who has everything would destroy lesser men, and I’m sure that’s why Affleck guzzles Dunkin’ cold brew by the barrel and A-Rod is buying pro sports franchises out of spiteAdd the paparazzi essentially following these dudes into the bathroom, a temporary emotional unraveling has gotta be par for the course.

Over the weekend, Affleck was photographed leaving J-Lo’s mansion looking like Will Hunting had just left him to see about a girl and he just puffed his last Parliament.

Ben’s out here looking like he’s driving away from the theater after seeing his own Batman movie.

In the case of Alex Rodriguez, misery very much does not want company if that company isn’t Jennifer Lopez.


“Yes, waiter. I’ll have a house salad, four bottles of sparkling water and a box of tissues.”

“Sure, Mr. Glansberg.”


Is dating Jennifer Lopez worth it if it destroys your soul, breaks your heart, and shatters your self-worth? Yes, yes it is.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.