I’D FOLLOW THAT MAN INTO BATTLE. Dude BLEEDS red, white, and blue. Just shouting his Patriotism in the stone faces of our founding fathers and the fathers with their young, impressionable children surrounding him. So what if he was so fucked up he was seeing eight faces on that rock wall, looked to me like he was drunk on nationalism so by all means take another pull of that shit, feel it deep in your plums. You pass out on that America stuff, you wake up with a bald eagle sharpied on your forehead. Small price to pay for living in the greatest country in the world. Not even a close second within earshot.
P.S. Shia, what are your fourth plans? We should like bro down. Right now my tentative plan is till wait to the last minute, realize all my friends have made epic plans without me, and then hit the YMCA pool solo with a sixer of O’Doul’s. Hit me up if that interests you. PREGNANT LADIES EVERYWHERE AMIRIGHT.
Shout out to Cass Anderson, who holds the heavyweight belt for having a gif or meme for absolutely every conceivable situation. Like, literally.