Ralph Lauren Unveiled The Official Team USA Olympic Ceremony Uniforms And They’re So Try Hard I’m Almost Ashamed

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This morning on the TODAY Show Ryan Lochte (swimming), Jordan Burroughs (wrestling), and Haley Anderson (swimming) debuted this year’s official Team USA uniforms that will be worn during the Rio Summer Olympics closing ceremony.

As was the case in previous/recent Olympic Games, this year’s uniforms were designed by none other than Ralph Lauren, and American style icon. However, unlike recent years I have zero fucking interest whatsoever in buying these try hard dumpster fires, because they look like shit and Ralph Lauren should be ashamed of himself.

Seriously, this looks like some shit a dude would show up to the first day of Rush Week wearing and get bounced so hard he’d have to transfer colleges. This is the type of shit that your Aunt Prudence’s second cousin Todd would wear while sailing his multi-million-dollar schooner up and down the Cape, while bending his son Tanner’s wet nurse over the gunwale with mom on the mainland for a Lilly Pulitzer luncheon…you know what I mean? Just look at this garbage:

Russia’s going to be laughing at us. Brazil’s going to debut HOT FIRE because they’re the host nation and those Brazilian chicks look hot in whatever outfits they’re forced to wear. England’s going to be in the corner applying 80spf sunscreen, snickering in our direction about unruly The Colonies have become.

Now I know in my heart of hearts that we’re going to win the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio, because that’s what America does, we whoop everyone’s asses in sports. But I’m ashamed that we’re going to look like a bunch of dickheads while doing it.

And speaking of England, doesn’t Team Great Britain look like they’re about to wreck some shit in these threads?

Someone needs to fire Ralph Lauren, even the fucking French National Team looks better than we do.

USA Olympic Flag Image courtesy of Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com